Quartet
by isabellthelooser
Summary: this is about Bella after Edward gives her what she wants, and what happens afterwards, when the monster gets out and he almost kills her. Rated T for love and...kissing stuff...finally complete! Paul/Bella LOVE! please read and review.
1. Prologue: Breaking Down Unwanted Shields

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, or the soon to be published Breaking Dawn books by Stephenie Meyer. I know this because, for one, I do not have that kind of imagination, two: Im not filthy rich, and three: you can plainly see that I'm not nearly as talented as S.M., and never could be.**

please enjoy, review, and read more, and review more, and rejoice if I ever get around to finsihing it or any of my stories!...

newly editted, with hopefully none of little typos. (--- haha!)

Isabell the Looser!!

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_**Prologue: Beating Down Unwanted Shields**_

_Isabella Swan_

It's been months since it happened; since I last saw his face. I remember for the first four months after it happened I couldn't do anything but lie in bed and grieve; grieve for things that I didn't remember.

The last time I saw him, his eyes were alight with caramel flame, his face scrunched in a small denial of what he would do to me; what he was doing to me. I remember how my hands shook as I unbuttoned his shirt; how his fingers were calm and icy as he unbuckled my belt for me.

"Bella," he said for the sixth time, "We don't have to do this now. We can wait."

That should have been my cue to stop, not go any farther. I should have thought of the consequences before; but I was greedy with victory. He had given up his forced marriage proposal, and had given me free reign; little did I know, it would almost cost me my life.

"No, I'm ready." I said, "Truly."

He gave me a doubtful look, but he pulled me into his arms and together we climbed under the golden comforter.

All I can remember after that was the heat; pounding around us, reverberating off our bodies in huge droplets of sweat. I remember the movement, him so graceful on top of me, and the happiness that spread through me as our lips met again and again in an unbreakable kiss.

Then something happened. Something I can hardly describe. His body stiffened above me, his lips froze and turned even icier, and I felt his hands cling to my shoulders and his nails dig into my skin.

I cried out, feeling the wet streaks sliding down my arms and smelling the sickly scent of blood. I rolled over, away from him, as he thrashed on the bed. I didn't understand what was happening; he'd said he could handle it.

"Edward," I began, "What--"

He turned and looked at me straight on then, and I knew I was screwed. The blood was driving him mad, the happiness and relaxed guards; he was free, the monster was free.

"Bella," he whispered softly. His voice had lost its musical tone, it sounded strained and faint. A flicker of light from the moon beyond the open window glinted off his eyes, showing the black cores in the usually caramel eyes I had grown to love.

He squeezed his eyes shut, reopened them; scooted toward me, then winced and drew back again. "Bella," he repeated, his eyes downcast, "Get. Out. Now. I can't. Hold. On. Any. Longer." He looked so pain that I wanted to comfort him, but my legs stayed frozen under me as I lay across the bed beside him.

"Edward, what's the matter?"

"Get out," he whispered, a little louder.

I moved closer and tried to wrap my arm around him, but he moved away again, as if my touch would cause him even more pain. "Edward, what--"

He glared up at me then, all emotion clean from his face except a desire; a desire for my blood. In that instant, I finally took in my surroundings. We were in his room, on the bed, me on the side by the wall. I remembered how we'd locked the door to keep out any unwanted visitors, though it wouldn't have held them if they tried hard enough. I saw the way his body was positioned so that he was blocking my only way out; the locked door.

In that instant, I saw his eyes dilate and his teeth shine in the moon's light, sharp and deadly.

I took a deep breath, moving with great caution around him. I didn't get far before I felt his hand on my neck, his lips at my throat.

"Don't bother to scream." he breathed into my ear, "No one will hear you, or care. You're just a snack to them, my family. They don't actually care for you."

I shivered at his words even though I knew they weren't true, that he was under my blood's spell.

"No one will look for you. They all think you're on holiday in Alaska, with me." His cold breath made me shiver and flinch away. His grip tightened on my throat. "No one cares about stupid, silly, klutzy little Isabella," he tutted, looking me up and down, and for the first time that night, I truly felt naked under his iron gaze. "But don't worry, my pet. I'll give you some time to say goodbye to life. Don't want to die without a little showdown, now do we?"

"Edward." I gasped, his grip was so tight his fingers were cutting into my throat. "Please…"

He smiled evilly, showing once more his fangs; then his hand left my throat, my body left the bed, and I was flying through the air.

_Crunch! Bang! Snap!_ He threw me into his neatly arranged rows of CD's. My head collided with the self, crunching. My arm shot out to protect myself; it went snap. I hit the floor with a bang, then I was screaming and screaming and screaming. I was in his arms, then I was flying again; I crashed into the door next, and I felt my ribs screech in agony.

"Please," I begged him. I tried to stand, but my legs were jell-o and I couldn't see through the blood in my eyes, the tears. "Please, Edward, stop!"

He approached me with a look of pure hatred, "You beg me, silly girl. You beg me to spare your life, even as you ask me to turn you?" His leg extended toward my face, his fist to my side.

My face dropped to the floor amid a pool of crimson blood. The world spun. Vaguely, I could feel his fist pummeling every part of me he could touch. Vaguely, I could smell my blood, hear his cooing voice in my head that now only spoke words of poison. Vaguely, I could see the red irises in his eyes as he licked my blood from the floor.

Again he smiled that malicious smile, again his leg collided with my face. I didn't know I was screaming until I heard footsteps on the stairs outside the door. A moment later, as I relished in the knowledge that _someone_ had come to save me, I realized that the door was tightly bolted shut, and Edward would surely kill anyone to cross the threshold.

Edward hissed above me though and then was gone from my side. A moment later, the door burst open and the momentum flung across the room. I sailed through the air, in what seemed like slow motion.

I felt Edward's window glass cutting into my face, everything. Then I felt the chilly breeze outside, the wind wiping through my hair and across my bare body. Then I felt arms encircle me, cradle me to a bare chest; and I looked into Jacob Black's warm face, and knew I was safe at last.

The world went dark. I passed out as he swept me into his arms, and carried me through the night.

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please R & R!

isabell the looser...


	2. Chapter 1: Running

the next chapter in the amazing story about...death?

hope you enjoy!

now digitally remastered to fit your taste (with little OR no typos!)

isabellthelooser

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_**Running**_

_Jacob Black_

I carry Bella through the forest, running as I've never before. Through the shadows I can see Embry and Quil running alongside me, though their noses are wrinkled against the blood-sucker stench emanating from her.

"Jake?" she whispers. Her hand reaches upward and she strokes my face with one finger. I lean into her hand, feeling how cold her palm is as it slides down my throat, and dangles by her side.

I lean down to kiss her forehead and wipe away a tear from her cheek; she is so cold. I dash faster and faster through the woods, my arms keeping her safe from dangling branches and thorny vines.

It is a while before I hear it: the sound of First Beach's waves crashing onto the sand. Then I see the glimmer of my town, Quileute; I head for the familiar driveway and the smell of frying bacon.

"We're almost there, Bella. Just hold on a little longer." I look down at her, and she is smiling. For a minute I see her eyes glimmer as they used to when we were together, for a minute I see why the blood-sucker is so attached; it's her smile.

Her smile suddenly disappears and I feel her body sag into me, her skin is icy cold despite my 106 temperature pounding into her. Her whole body shakes, her lips go white and I imagine her holding in a scream. Then her eyes flicker shut and I hear her heart beat stutter. It speeds up, slows; faster, slower. _'Ba Bum, Ba Ba, Ba Bum,…Ba…'_ Then nothing.

Her heart fades and I can almost feel her blood go still and clot in her veins.

I hug her to me, tighter than I've ever dared unconsciously waiting for a faint pop; a sign that her ribs have snapped, but all there is, is the rhythm of my broken sobs. There's nothing left to break.

"No, Bella!" I scream, barreling into my house, bashing the front door to pieces. I ignore Billy's cry of shock and the metallic clang of frying pan hitting floor.

I fall to the floor, my knees bent to keep her cradled to my chest. My forehead rests on her cheek, warming her. I cry out again and again. "Bella! No! Oh no, Bella, please!"

"What the devil, Jake--" Billy freezes in the kitchen doorway. "Oh my god." He reaches for the phone.

"No, Dad!" I cry, "The last thing we need is the officials all over this. They'll find something wrong; these injures that fuckin' bloodsucker gave her. They'll want to know things that we can't tell them." I take a deep breath to steady my voice, my thoughts zipping through medical hotlines, phone numbers. Then my memory kicks in. I remember last July when we fought the foreign bloodsuckers, when I broke the right side of my body.

I glance down at Bella, lifeless in my arms, and then up to Billy, frozen in the midst of rolling his wheelchair closer. "Carlisle." I say without a second thought.

Billy frowns, "What, that bloodsuck--?"

"Call Carlisle." I order, "He'll know what to do. Get him over here, now!"

"What are you going to do?" he asks, the phone already to his ear and ringing.

I don't answer. I lay Bella on the floor and shift over her. My hands form the proper hand-platform I've learned in health class. I count out loud as my palms pump against her still chest, "One, two, three…sixteen, seventeen, eighteen." Then I open her mouth, place my lips on hers and power all the air in lungs into hers. Her chest rises, then falls, stays still.

_Oh please, God._ I beg, _Let Carlisle get here fast!_

"He's coming," Billy says. I hear his wheelchair squeak, the phone click back into place. "Jake."

I ignore him; pressing my lips to hers again, counting: "thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…"

"Jake." Billy repeats, and I feel his hand on my shoulder.

"What?" I snap, repeating my rhythm twice more.

He clasps my shoulder again, his wheelchair bumping my back.

My palms pound her chest, my lungs pump hers, but nothing. Not even a sliver of a heart beat.

"Jake," he whispers, "Stop. It's not working. Let her go."

"No!" I yell, applying a little more force to my hands. "No. I can do this! I can save her…"

I try to keep confidence as I pump her lungs full of air, but slowly I begin to realize that nothing is working. Still I persist as Billy watches from afar, waiting for Carlisle. Slowly though, the strength begins to wean from my arms, my back aches from shoving at her heart; my lips are parched and cracked.

I finally give in, letting my head sag. I lift her up, crushing her to my chest with all my might; hoping, praying that she will suddenly cry out or stroke my face. Nothing. Her heart is empty, her face faded of all its color and beauty. She is no longer Bella; just a shell of what the lively girl used to be.

With shaky fingers I move her hair behind her ears, just how she liked it. I wrap a blanket around her bare shoulders, shifting her in my lap so she's more comfortably situated against me, her head held in my hands.

I stroke her hair, her face, her arms. "Bella. My sweet, poor Bella. What happened to you? Why do you deserve such treatment?"

Then the tears come, not soft and tender, not like on TV. They are ragged sobs, soulless and empty, from deep inside me. Softly I place my hand on her still heart. Then again, I clench my hand into a fist and bump her chest. _Bump…Thwump…_My fist smacks into her heart, willing it to start beating again.

With my last ounce of energy, I force my hand down as hard as I can, hitting her deadened heart. I breath life back into her lungs, my lips on hers again.

Suddenly I stop.

She blinks. Once, twice, three times. Her face turns to me, confusion and pain in her eyes. Her lips part, as if she wants to say something, but then she closes it again.

At first all she does is cough. She coughs up blood, vomit, saliva. Then she speaks; softly, and crackly. "Who--" her voice falters, then creaks back into gear. "Who…are--" she pauses to swallow, "Who are you?"

My heart plummets. I try to answer, but all that comes out is gibberish. Why doesn't she know me, her best friend?

Then the front door explodes open, Billy yelping from his window seat. I look up in time to see two figures dash in; one average height, with blondish hair and a flapping lab coat. The other, is the unmistakable form of Edward Cullen, a look of smug happiness plastered on his obnoxious face.

Without thinking, I leap up and run toward them; swinging my fist at the blood-sucker's face.

I go to pummel Edward's face, but as I near him, he disappears out the door.

Carlisle dashes forward, ignoring us, and leans over Bella who is moving now, just barely. I regain me grip and crouch next to her too, taking her hand in mine. I meet Carlisle's gaze for a moment, as he takes her pulse and pushes her gently to the ground again.

"She's alive, for now," he says. "We need to get her to the hospital though, she's lost a lot of blood and the breaks are too extensive for me to treat alone." He stands, and leads the way out the broken down door.

I lift Bella into my arms; she lolls her head against me, still giving me the dazed look. I stroke her face as we climb in Carlisle's car. "Bella," I whisper, "Stay with me, sweets. Stay with me."

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please R&R! I want at least FIVE reviews before I update again...okay?

isabellthelooser! :


	3. Chapter 2: A Doctor's Healing Hand

the long awaited chapter two in my fanny! R&R!

newly revised to fit your needs and my OCD.

isabell the looser!!

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_**A Doctor's Healing Hand**_

_Carlisle Cullen_

Dr. Stol follows me through the swinging doors and into the emergency room, where Bella lays on a metal table, wrapped only in a wool blanket.

"Her name is Bella," I fill him in, as we pull on our lab coats and rubber gloves. "The boy who brought her here said she fell off her motorcycle. I'm pretty sure she's got a few broken bones." I find it hard to lie to my fellow doctor, but no one can know she was at my house when it happened; when Edward lost control. No one can know what really happened, or that I know about it.

I approach Bella with caution, not wanting to frighten her more. Her eyes gap at me; large brown moons in a pale, tear-stained face. Blood and bracken clot her hair to her face; her hands shake nervously, bent in twisted contorted shapes.

"Wh-who are you?" she croaks, her jaw trembling and popping as she talks.

"My name is Dr. Cullen." I respond. She fixes deep pleading eyes on me, then averts them to my companion as I gesture at him. "This is Dr. Stol. We're going to help you, okay? Get you feeling better."

Bella neither nods nor speaks as we prepare to examine her; finding her legs and arms nearly severed by the splintered bones within, broken fingers, and a few broken ribs. She's lost so much blood that we use two quarts of donated blood; half of it spilling on the floor when she wrenches the needle out of her arm in fear. We still need more blood in her; her face is turning peaky white, bruises appearing all over her albino skin.

We rush her to another room, where we take X-rays of her bones, carefully placing them back where they're supposed to be, and wrapping her in gauze and plaster.

When everyone has left, and Dr. Stol turns his back, I kiss her forehead softly, whispering softly in her ear as she dozes off. "Bella, sweet Bella. What did you do to provoke Edward so?" She opens her eyes for a second, meeting my gaze, then they lazily slump closed again and her breathing relaxes in sleep. "You do not deserve to be treated this way, do you?"

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hope you enjoyed it! i'll try to update sooner next time... I want **SEVEN** reviews this time!

MPM!! isabell the looser!


	4. Chapter 3: Questions Without Answers

chapter three! enjoy!

Once again, revised to perfection for YOU!

isabellthelooser!

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**_Questions Without Answers_**

_Charlie Swan_

I bend over Bella's lifeless form, barely holding in a scream. Her face is pale and gaunt, her open eyes' usual twinkle replaced with vacant blank space. Splints cover most of her limbs: her fingers, wrists, and ankles sticking out at odd angles with heavy metal clasps weighing them down.

I can hardly believe it's my daughter, my Isabella, who gazes up at me with pure confusion and pain plastered on her bruised face. Her face empties of emotion as I pull a chair closer and plop into it.

"Bella, it's your dad. Charlie." I place my hand gently on her head, rubbing over the numerous bumps and bloody stitched areas where she hurt her scalp. If she knew who she was, where she was and what happened to her, she would probably be screaming right now. If she knew they stabbed her skin with needles and injected fluids into her blood stream and encased her body in plaster, she would be petrified. Yet here she lays, silent, just staring around her and playing with the IV tube.

She looks down at her arm, where her middle finger is fighting to twist a cord around her hand. "So…you're my…dad?" Her deep brown eyes flicker up at me quickly, then back down.

"Yes." I whisper, almost unable to shield her from my tears. _She doesn't know her own father!_ I scream at myself. "Can you remember me, Bella? You moved in with me three years ago. Do you remember?"

For a minute she's silent, absentmindedly rubbing the corner of her blanket between two splints. My tongue dances in my mouth, suddenly anxious to tell her what she can't seem to remember; what I want her to remember.

"No," she shakes her head.

"Oh…" I mumble, my mouth going dry and throat closing up. I no longer feel like talking. It's very awkward for a minute, with only the robotic movement of her fingers stroking her blanket and my heart beat racing to break the stale air. Finally a man walks in with a clipboard.

He smiles at me as he reads one of Bella's monitors. "I'm Dr. Cullen." he says softly, his voice musical. He shakes my hand briefly, his eyes never leaving Bella's heart monitor and his left hand scribbling away on the paper. His hand chills mine as he grasps it in his; he pulls away fast.

"I'm Officer Swan, you can call me Mr., if you like."

His smile reveals his happiness in an instant, "Nice to meet you, Mr. Swan, though I believe we've already met."

I shrug, "Perhaps."

I gaze over at Bella, her brown eyes a chestnut color through her long eyelashes. She's busy playing with the blanket again; her bloodied head bent over her work, her wobbly fingers shaking as they fight to tie it into a giant knot. I look up from her to see Dr. Cullen watching me, his gaze steady.

His hand pats my shoulder, "Can I talk to you outside?" I nod and he guides me out of Bella's room and into the busy hallway; loaded with food trolleys, IV tanks, nurses bustling by, and family members wandering aimlessly around.

I turn back to him, "What is it you need to tell me?"

Dr. Cullen's eyes are downcast, though they still look beautiful for a man's in the half light of the hall. "We've done excessive tests on her brain, and it seems she suffers from amnesia. Her memories may come back…they might not, we can't be certain. What we do know is that her motor skills are fully functioning, though she is too banged up to move at the moment; and she should recover all movement of her broken limbs."

Shudders ripple through my body, I grip myself together as I stagger against the wall. "I-I-I…" I gulp, "Does she know this?"

Dr. Cullen shakes his blonde head sadly, "No, but then again, what does she know? All she can seem to muster is her name…which we confirmed is Isabella."

"But--she--she hates that name!"

Dr. Cullen sighs and clasps my should apologetically, "I know, but it's all we've got for now."

Later, I sit in her room, beside her, watching her sleep.

_Will I ever get my baby girl back? Will she ever be the same again?_

Some answers, however desperately desired, can never be answered. These are some of them…

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hope you enjoyed it! next chapter will be up in about three seconds...if you can hold on that long! lol!

isabellthelooser


	5. Chapter 4: Blood Red Arguements

this is ze fourth chapter! please enjoy! know that this is about five minutes after Bella and Edward get all 'sexie', and it kinda explains what happens to Edward after Jacob saves Bella from him.

enjoy! isabellthelooser

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Blood Red Arguments

_Edward Cullen_

I glare out the window to the forest, where a wolf's howl pierces the night. "Jacob," I hiss, clenching my hand around a broken shard of glass. The name tastes like poison on my tongue, sending a shudder down my spine. "Jacob," the _dog_ that stole my prize from me. "Jacob," the foolish boy deserves to die.

My teeth grind together, the shattered window cutting shapes from a grimacing, angry face; brutally distorted by hate. Suddenly, as I squeeze and twist my fist in anger, the glass shard shatters like its former form; splintering into my fist. Immediately I open my hand, looking astounded at the tiny pile of sand in my palm.

"Edward!?" I hear Carlisle's shout a millisecond before my door bursts open, and him, Esme, Alice, and Jasper charge in; their thoughts brimming with fear. Their eyes meet mine, questioning; then four pairs of topaz stones dart across the rumpled bed, Bella's clothes, the sweet-smelling blood splattered over the floor and walls; the blood on my face and hands.

_What did you do, Edward?_ Carlisle meets my gaze steadily, his mind asking unspoken questions. A grin forms on my lips; unexpected, and challenging.

Alice's usually calm face forms into a snarling, vicious vampire glare. In one swift movement she advances between me and Carlisle, using one hand to move our father out of the way. _What did you do, Edward? Where's Bella? Why are you smiling?_ Her thoughts stick in my head like pins.

"I didn't kill her, if that's what you're asking," I growl, prowling toward her; my smile more taunting than ever.

She stares at me, her hands clenched and unclenching into tiny fists; her teeth biting into her bottom lip.

"I merely played with her," I continue, reaching up to the wall to bring a droplet of Bella's blood to my lips. The floral scent of it makes my body go haywire. When I look up at them, Carlisle and Jasper are staring awestruck at me, Esme is hiding her face in her hands, Alice has her eyes clasped tight shut, her nostrils flaring; fighting the tang of her friend's blood. "I gave her what she deserved; what she _always_ deserved--"

Alice's caramel eyes fly open, hardening into a hard topaz crust, her thoughts cloaked with hate and rage. "Don't. Say. That." her voice is pained and detached; her teeth clenched together to keep from lapping at the blood.

"And why, exactly, shouldn't I, Alice?" she glares fixedly at me, "I was only using her. I never once felt love for _bitch_ when she kissed me; nor worry when she fell, or happiness when I caught her. I never once cared--"

"We both know that's not true!" Alice draws her fist back, her mind shouting to me. _Face, face, face, pummel her face, break his nose…Now, now is the time to do it--_

Jasper cuts into her mutinous thoughts with a wave of calming peace. His eyes are closed against the overwhelming anger and hate; his mind trained on his power to manipulate my mind.

"Jasper!" Alice screams, turning her rage on her _boyfriend_. "Why? Why now? I want to pummel him! I'm gonna _kill_ him for what he did to Bella!"

"How do you know, Alice? Can you _see_ with your _special powers_ what I did to _Bella_?"

She rounds on me again, only her head turning to glare, "Yes, actually. I can! And I also can see, without my powers, that you loved her! I _know_ you loved her!"

"Calm, love." Jasper coes, stroking his lanky, pale fingers through her black hair. His eyes seep into hers; his thoughts also cooing softly to her. _Calm down, my love. Let the anger pass. Stop. Breath._

Alice winds her fingers through his, whispering hoarsely, "I am, Jasper. I am; I'm sorry." She buries her face in his cotton shirt, her shoulders shaking with sobs. When she finally glances up at me, her face is tearstained and her eyes puffy and red. "I know you loved her, brother; at least before you became a monster."

I draw back, eyes wide; her words stinging through me like a silver knife. "I-I-I…" My eyes fix on the blood on the walls; on my family's faces, all tearstained and sad. Their faces sicken me; _How could I have been so cruel, to them?!_ "I'm sorry…" I attempt to clear my throat, but my tongue strays to a corner of my lips, drawing back with it a mouthful of Bella's blood. At once my temper flares, to fierce for even Jasper to conquer. My eyes rise to their frightened, angry ones. "I am no monster!" I scream, reaching over to grab my shelf of Cds in one hand, a chair in the other; both of them hurtle at Carlisle a moment later.

My father draws away, back through the door; he glares up at me through the spray of splinters and plastic shards. He pulls Esme, sobbing, under his arm and nods at Jasper before disappearing around the corner.

Jasper, too, goes to leave the room and my temper behind; but he freezes when he realizes Alice is still standing before me, shoulders broad, her face glaring straight into mine. "Come on, Alice!" he yells as I throw a bookshelf at him.

She waves him off, "Go, Jasper. I'll be there in a minute." With a slightly doubtful look on his face, my blonde vampire brother hurries away.

As his footsteps die away I dart forward at Alice, my hand holding fast at her wrist. She screams, out of pure shock, she struggles and twists.

"Where are you going, sis? Don't you want to teach me a lesson; give me what I _deserve_?"

Her eyes bore into mine, her mouth open; then she jerks her free arm around, bringing back a shard of glass from my window. "I am no sister of yours, Edward Mason. Look at yourself; the Edward I know, wouldn't be like this. He would be calm, loving; not this." She hands me the glass shard, not breaking my eye contact. "You are no brother of mine. Now you're just some vampire who threw his furniture, broke my heart, and almost killed my best friend; my sister."

In one sweeping motion she's at the door, out the threshold, "Look at yourself, Edward, and tell me that's who you are."

Out of shear wonder, I look into the glass. If there was a heart in my chest, it would be beating heart-attack quick. The reflection that gazes back at me is splintered, yes. Showing contorted bronze hair, high eyebrows, perfectly shaped shoulders leading to prominent cheekbones; that much is normal. Then there are the two eyes, _my_ two eyes, gazing back at me with hatred and anger bubbling under the irises.

I look back up at Alice, my face forming what I think is a pity-seeking face. She only looks back at me, her lips in a firm line. As she turns to leave, she pauses and whispers loud enough for me to hear. "I was right. You _are_ a monster!"

--

With my family members gone, probably running through the woods, trying to drown out the memories of their son's outrage; I sit on my bed, not bothering to make it or move away the pile of Bella's clothes from beneath my feet. The only thing I can think about is those eyes; _my_ eyes, glaring back at me with that hatred, that contempt for everything I used to love and hold dear to me.

Those eyes that glowed with passion for what I did; that thought back to when I beat Bella, wishing I'd spilled more of her blood on the floor.

Of one thing I am certain: I will never forget those blood red eyes gazing back, with not one shred of compassion in them. The blood-red rubies that Bella used to love, and get lost in. The same two eyes that first saw her, as she stumbled past my desk in Biology so many years ago. The two eyes that watched her come back to life after her life was almost sucked from her by me, in order to save her from another, more horrifying fate. The two eyes that watched over her, saw her fall before she did, so I could catch her; the two that left her crying the forest, and saw her dash into me to save me in the Volturi city.

The two that gazed down at her pleading face, and saw that I could never leave her again; the ones that were mixed with confusion as she unbuttoned my shirt and told me of her wish. The two, amber rubies that looked up at her as I knelt on the floor on one knee, my hands around hers; the ones that watched the diamond ring glimmer on her finger, even after I released her from our engagement two days ago.

The same exact two eyes that held her gaze as we moved against each other in an unfamiliar rhythm that made sense; and saw tears spill down her cheeks and blood gush from her body as I kick and slapped her against the floor, and lapped blood from the walls with my tongue.

I blink and gaze into the glass, half frightened to see those eyes glare back at me. The two eyes that blink back at me, though, are soft and golden-red. _Thank you,_ I pray to God, even though I know he doesn't care for the damned, _Thank you, even though you shouldn't care._

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hope you liked it! please, please, please review! i want at least **_ten_** reviews before I put up the next chapter so...review!!

next chapter will probably be from Alice or Jasper's POV...not sure which though...

R&R LML isabellthelooser

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	6. Chapter 5: Flying Coattails

woot! here's the next chapter...this is when stuff starts happening, so keep reading!

this is from Leah's point of view, it was hard to know how to write the chapter right, like Edward's was tough, because she's a werewolf...i hope I got it right! please tell me your thoughts afterwards...even if it's just a quick "Good Job!" or "Nice!"

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**_Flying Coattails_**

_**Leah Clearwater**_

"Come on!" Sam bellows, his deep voice echoing around the almost-empty forest glade He glares a warning at me, staring into space, as he tugs his shirt over his stupid, fat head; revealing wide black chest muscles, rippling under shimmering Quilette skin.

I roll my eyes and stroll away from the boys, to strip behind an old shed.

Sometimes I hate being the only girl werewolf; there's no one to talk to who understands, sure, there's Emily sometimes, but it's hard to talk to someone with a mauled face like hers. Plus, the boys always tease me when I'm on my period and I can't control my thoughts of discomfort, or when I am forced to hear their thoughts about me reverberating in my skull all the time.

Anger rips through me, sharp and welcome, sending ripples down my spine. I tear off my white blouse and jean-shorts, and give in to the fierce anger.

Before I know, or care, abou what's happening, I am cowering over; doubled up with my fists clenching handfuls of sod to keep from dashing forward. Hair; thin, wavy, and pale gray, bursts from under my skin; along my spine, coating my bare shoulders, flowing across my bent legs and arms. For a second I tremble, recovering from the pain of muscles blooming under my skin, and my face squishing and squeezing into a long, pointed snout.

Blinking furiously as my eyes dilate and canines erupt from my gums, I wait for my head to explode into throbs of agony as six minds filter into mine, and my brain fights to tune into my fellow werewolves' minds; like a radio trying to tune into six different stations at once.

With a howl of agony, I race forward, zigzagging through the trees, twisting to shake undergrowth from my thick pelt. A hollow whimper sounds beside, Seth races at my side, a tear sliding down the ragged russet fur on his muzzle. For the first time in almost two years I feel sorry for my younger brother, who for sometime, didn't have the care of his sister to watch over him. I was so angry at him for becoming a werewolf, which he couldn't help, and being accepted, that I ignored him; choosing to stay away from him whenever possible and thinking only hate when our minds melded into one.

Both of us have only been werewolves for three months, unlike Jared or Embry who are six month veterans; so the transformation still hurts us. His single, sad tear represents the pain I know we both feel and the hurt that pulses through us when we change.

Seth yelps, his snout bowing to the ground, and his wide jaws opening in a louder, much longer whine. Hot, sizzling air on my neck tells me Sam is behind me, his muzzle on my shoulder forcing me forward into a longer stride.

Something clicks in my head, the buzzing like bees in my brain gone; Sam's thoughts overpower the rest of the pack's. _Leah,_ he sighs, _faster, you must run faster. Jacob needs us at the hospital._

_So what?!_ I think-scream back, _Why can't Jacob just deal with his own problems instead of dragging the whole pack with him?!_ Beside me, Seth whimpers; he hates conflict in the pack.

Sam lengthens his stride to match mine, weaving easily through the trees at my side. _Because the blood-sucker did something to __**her**__; Bella. There are three of __**them**__ there now, _he blinks at me, his eyes wide and wise, _He needs us there._

Jared appears at my other side, his smooth dark-gray coat fluttering in the breeze. _Fight?_ he asks Sam, his lips lifting into a big wolfy grin.

Sam sighs and shakes his glossy black head, his lip curls ever-so-slightly. _They're on their side of the border, they have as much a right to be there as we do._

_But what about Charlie? Won't he kick them out?_ Quil's chocolate-brown pelt is visible through the far off trees before us, his long muscular legs carrying him the fastest in our small group.

_No_, Sam once more shakes his head, _Jacob has chosen not to tell Charlie about the blood-sucker, but the other one; the leader: Carlisle was the one who took them both to the hospital._

My ears prick, _He crossed the border? Why don't we break his ugly fat neck, and be done with him then?_

Sam fixes me with his penetrating gaze, _Jacob asked the leech to come…Billy too, we can't kill him for coming in a favor. There will be no attacking!_

Something pings inside me, my head locks. Sam's orders always leave me breathless; I, nor the rest of the pack, can defy either Sam or Jacob's orders. I shake my head angrily, racing faster than even Quil could ever think of going; I hate Jacob, and Sam, and this life. The only thing I do like is the running part.

--

Entering the hospital, I immediately smell them: the Cullens. Their pungent, leech smell burns my nose and the inside of my mouth; it disgusts me. Beside me, I can feel a ripple of disgust glide down Jared's back; Quil and Embry exchange meaningful looks over my shoulder at each other. Ahead of me, Paul shudders and flicks his auburn-black hair out of his eyes; Sam's hand clenches into a fist, but he remains calm as he glides ahead of us through the halls.

Going into the room, I immediately feel the pressure filling the room, like an electric shock sizzling through a pool of water. On the hospital bed lays Bella, bald and bruised, next to Jacob and Charlie, both impassive statues leaning away from the crowd of leeches hovering over the bed. Almost at once Jacob rolls onto the balls of his feet and, moving slowly and carefully among the tubes and machinery, he winds his way over to us with a look of dead misery on his face.

"How is she Jacob?" Sam mumbles, his eyes flickering over the girl lying limply amongst the cotton sheets.

Jacob's eyes are downcast, his lips pressed into a resolved line. Sam raises his eyebrows, I cough deep in my throat to clear the silence. At once Jacob's eyes on me, wide and full of amazement. "You came," he whispers.

"Yeah, so?" I snap back; I don't feel like taking his bullshit at the moment. "What's it to ya?"

He stares at his shoes, "I didn't think you would…"

"Yeah, well I didn't want to, but Mr. Ulley here said I had to." I give a sarcastic eye roll, "I don't even know why any of us are here. None of us even care about what happens to the bitch!" Embry gasps, Sam's face turns to hard stone, Jacob glares up at me as I clasp a hand over my mouth. I didn't mean to shout it out like that.

Across the room, I single out Bella from the crowd of startled, staring faces. Her eyes are half-open, unnaturally dark against her pale skin, and staring right into mine. As our eyes meet and latch on, I catch a slight twitch from her lower lip; her eyes suddenly glaze over and her shoulders sag.

Charlie tucks a wool blanket around her, lifting her arms on top of it. "Maybe you should sleep, honey." he says, "You look tired."

Bella softly nods her head, but her eyes still stay on mine. I blink to break the uncomfortable air between us, and when I look again her face is turned slightly to my right, focused on something beside me.

I turn to see Paul standing there, eyes wide, face pallid and shriveled looking. His eyes are locked on Bella's, his mouth gaping open. Slowly a look of pure terror spreads over his face, his hands clenching into tight fists at his sides; the tendons protruding from the suddenly bone-tight skin.

"What is it Paul?" I ask, slightly bored. His jaw clenches, his eyes never leave Bella's. He doesn't answer.

I glance around the room and everyone is staring at him, too; back and forth between him, eyes aflame and anger in his furrowed brow, to Bella, pitifully forcing her drooping eyelids open again and again.

"Hello?" I call into Paul's ear, waving my hand an inch from his face. He doesn't even blink; the tension in the room continues and fills it to bursting point. I look at Sam, who has been silent the whole time, but he is also dumbstruck. "Sam, do something!" I scream at him; he blinks once and breaks away.

"Paul." he snaps, breaking the silence like a fist through a pane of glass.

Paul begins to shiver, slowly changing into shudders. His eyes flicker to Sam once, for a brief second, then he spins on his heel, his coattails flapping out behind him. Everyone stays utterly silent, only Bella moves when the door slams shut behind him. She passes out on the bed, her head laid in Charlie's lap. We all watch soundlessly as her lungs pick up a rhythm and her chest rises and falls in peaceful waves.

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hope you liked it! please, please, please review! i know i set limits like last time was ten...but that doesn't mean that you can read it and not review if there are already ten reviews! REVIEW ANYWAY!!

I want at least **_13 or 15_** reviews by the time I update again, okay!

love you guys for reviewing!

Isabell the Looser


	7. Chapter 6: Killing Spree

i'm sorry i kept you guys waiting so long; but i wanted to make it better! i wrote this chapter real fast at like midnight a couple days ago, and it needed major tweaking to be readable, but the plot has stayed the same! please review at the end, and i will try to have the next few chapters flowing in pretty quick in the near future...so be ready for a lot of serious reading!!

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Killing Spree

_**Paul**_

My eyes lock onto the girl's; her sallow, sunken face piercing me right to my heart. I can see her head lolling, her eyelids fighting sleep; but she doesn't look away, only stares back at me, unable to break away.

I can feel everyone watching us, staring back and forth in wonder. Jared mumbles something in my ear, some joke I don't want to hear; can't hear because of the strange thoughts buzzing through my ears. _Look away!_ one part of my brain screams, while the other half tells me to look just a little longer. The right half wins, and even though Leah waves her hand in my face and screams in my ear, I can't look away.

Nothing anyone says or does can I comprehend; it's like my whole body is zoned in on her, and I can't stop. I want to, at least I think I do, but my body is immobile; unable to snap the rope that binds us together. Anger pulses through me, I can feel the fire in my eyes and see the fury on my face reflected in Bella's eyes.

Some small part of me is begging to be let free, a tiny splinter of the real me fighting to be let out. Finally someone speaks, Sam, loudly and clearly; allowing me to break out of the spell I'm under.

"Paul." he snaps. My eyes gratefully unlock from hers, my head snapping up to meet Sam's stone gaze. I look at him for a moment, fear no doubt clear on my face. He nods, quick and restricted, and I dash for the door; slamming it closed on her floral scent, or so I think.

Everything looks hazy and distorted, like a broken mirror, and my mind is so far gone that I can hardly remember leaving the hospital, until I'm outside in the crisp morning air. Out here it's easier to think, to try to figure out what happened. I go through all the theories I can think of. _Maybe I had a seizure? …no, I'm still okay._ I slowly flex my fingers, wriggle my toes inside my shoes, stretch my neck all the way around. _Everything works._

My thoughts drift away, replaced by a frighteningly strong desire to go back in there and stare into her beautiful eyes. _No!_ I shout to myself, _her eyes are __**not**__ beautiful! They're ugly! Ugly, Ugly, Ugly!!_ I pause, trying to concentrate through the murky haze my mind has become. _She's ugly…isn't she?_

I have a strong desire to protect her; to take on her pain, or at least help her heal. I want to take her hand in mine, stroke her face, stare into her eyes. I close my eyes and I can see the whole thing perfectly, as if it's actually happening. I'm leaning closer to her, my arm around her waist on the bed, her eyes are closed; waiting. I breath in her heady, heavenly, floral scent; I'm close enough to blink and touch her with my eyelashes, I get even closer and…

"No!!" I scream, pelting forward, shudders reverberating down my back and through my bones. I run fast--werewolf fast--through the trees, trying to force the ugly thoughts away, let them blow away in the fierce wind ripping at my face. "No, this can't be happening!!"

I try to control the shuddering, at least, but I can't seem to focus long enough. My mind keeps jumping back to stupid, fat, ugly, Bella! _The most charming, beautiful, smart…_

"NO!!" I yell again, my voice resounding out through the forest like a giant drum. "Stop thinking that!! She's **not** beautiful, or smart, or charming; she can't be…can she?" Anger bubbles inside my chest, threatening to rip open my heart and kill me. _Anything is better than this,_ I tell myself.

I come to a halt beside a giant oak tree; panting and sweating, I turn to look back at the forest I've just come through. "This isn't happening!" I scream, "It **can't** be! I hate her!" my blood boils at the thought of ripping out Bella's throat, of sinking my fangs into her arm and ripping her flesh open; but not in the way I expect. I feel angry, furious that I can't do those things; terrified because someone else could hurt her.

--

"Hey bud," Embry calls from below, his bear like voice booming through my house and making the windows shake. I sigh, staring at the ceiling from my spot in the middle of my bed, wishing he and everyone else in the world could just vanish.

_Everyone except Bella,_ my mind coos to me. I squish my eyes shut, fighting the urge to jump up and go visit her in the hospital. It's been fourteen days since I went to visit her and "IT" happened, and I still can't let myself give in. Maybe it's a mistake, maybe I was hallucinating, and it was all my imagination! _No,_ my evil brain reasons with me, _if you hallucinated, then why do you still love her?_

"No," I whimper, smashing my fists over my ears. I shake my head, "No, I don't love her. I **can't**!!" _Or can you?_ whispers my brain. "Ugh!" I sigh, rolling over and pulling my pillow tight over my face. My head is filled with so many things I think it will burst, and Embry yelling downstairs _really_ doesn't help!

"Yo, Paul!" he chants, "Where are you, dude? Sam called a meeting, we need to be there in five minutes."

I clamp my lips shut to keep from calling back to him. _He can't know._ I tell my persistent brain, _No one can know; __**if**__it's true at all!_

Embry's quick thundering footsteps on the stairs draws me from my nightmarish thoughts. "I know you're in here Paul. You haven't left your house for two weeks."

_Yeah, so?_ I think-scream back at him, though he can't hear me. _You wouldn't leave either if you had all these thoughts!_

My door creaks open and Embry's fat head appears through the crack. He smiles, his black bobbed hair flapping around his ears, "Ready to go, Paul? Or are you still moping?!" he chuckles to himself when he says his and Quil's joke aloud. "Do you want me to carry you, or is the little moping boy gonna run off again?" his eyes get big and taunting, "Are you afraid of little o'l Bella? Or is it the fact that she was naked under those sheets?"

Anger, fiercer than I've ever felt before--even towards Bella--flares within me. Before I can stop myself, I'm at the door in Embry's face, snarling. Shock crosses his face for a second, and he backs up, startled, through the door and into the hall. I follow quickly, charging after him as he dashes for the stairs.

"Why do you run, coward?" I taunt, swinging around the banister. "Are you afraid of the moping little boy?" Grinning masochistically, I jump the last few stairs and race past Embry to block the door. "Are you so easily frightened of you friend, Embry?"

He backs away, drawing up his fists. "Calm down, Paul. I don't want to hurt you--"

I cut him off, swinging a punch at his stomach, grabbing the back of his head and readying my other hand to break his neck. Embry unconsciously lets his body go slack, an instinct we few receive from our werewolf sides. I bend over him, applying pressure to his fragile neck bone. The anger is almost too much to keep held in when the front door bangs open and Sam, Jared, and Seth bundle in; tumbling against each other from the shock of smashing into the door.

Immediately Sam wrenches out from underneath Jared and Seth, swooping forward like an angry hawk to shove me away from Embry. He bends over Embry, who is on the floor wheezing, his thick hand rubbing his throat where a rash is beginning to appear in the shape of my thumb and forefingers. I tumble backwards into the banister, my back smashing like a rock into the solid, polished wood.

Jared and Seth scramble up from their pile of limbs; Seth glancing back and forth between Sam and Embry on the floor, and me crouched on the stairs, staring. Jared sits up and immediately fixes his full attention on me, his eyes blazing.

I try to sit up from my awkward position, but a sharp growl rumbles deep in Jared's throat, his eyes fasten onto mine, coal black and sizzling. "Stay where you are, or I'll rip your throat out." He flashes Embry, his best friend, a worried glance before circling to put himself in front of him. "_I'm_ not afraid to," he warns.

"Shut up, you pig faced dog." I snap back, my lip curling.

He opens his mouth to retort, but Sam calmly stands and places his hand warningly on Jared's shoulder. "Jared," he warns, "you and Seth take Embry down to Jacob's house. Wait for me there." He keeps his back to me, his eyes fixed on something unseen as he whispers to me, "Paul, you stay here." His voice is grim with disapproval.

--

"It's not my fault!" I yell back, my anger coming back in violent waves. Sam senses this and holds his hand out to me, to silence me. "I just wanted to be left alone," I continue, eyes averted, "I _told_ him; but he wouldn't go away." I grind my teeth together, fuming.

Sam's hand rests on my shoulder, meant to reassure me, but it sends pin-pricks of anger down my spine. "I know. And I'm sorry." I glance up at him and he's shaking his head dumbly, "I shouldn't have let it get so out of hand."

My teeth crush together to keep the words locked away, but they burst through my locked jaw anyway. "It's not your fault either, or Embry's," I add. I shake my head glumly, trying to think of how best to fraise what I'm about to tell him. _Just let it out,_ my mind tells me, _He deserves to know; maybe he can help._

I clench my teeth and breath deeply through my nose, trying to calm myself down before I go berserk again. "It's Bella's fault." I whisper, knowing he can hear me. "If she hadn't…If I hadn't…She…" I trip over my words, like Bella over a flat, stable surface.

Once more my head goes haywire; like the hard drive of a computer. My brain buzzes with excitement at the smell that slowly drifts over me. The last tendrils of torture tear at my soul, threatening to break me apart again. My nostrils flare, the scent so heavenly…Bella's scent, off Sam's shirt. "Did you visit her?" I growl, looking up at him.

"I just got back when I heard you and Embry fighting." he concurs, pacing back and forth. I watch him, stone-still, unconcerned by how much time elapses. Suddenly Sam stops, mid-stride, looking at me for the first time since he came through my door.

"Did you…imprint on her, Paul?" I freeze, unable to breath, unable to think or comprehend that he is sitting beside me, whispering in my ear. "Paul," he whispers, "Did you imprint on Isabella Swan?"

All my insides turn to ice, then flame, then numb until I can't feel my body; except for my heart beating erratically in my chest. Parts of me are happy, because the news is out and my secrets been told; while my rational half is screaming inwardly and terrified of what comes next.

I feel gushy inside, like melted butter on toast, my face is burning while my fingers turn icy-cold. The world swims, my lips move on their own accord. I can feel my head growing heavy, dropping to the ground like a plump, ripe tomato.

"Paul…did you imprint on Bella?" Sam's voice is far away, hollow and distorted. Black splotches thread into my vision, spreading over my eyes until everything takes on a blackish hue; like a drop of ink in a glass of water.

"Y-y-y-y-…" I stutter in my panic as the walls begin to morph and twist towards me, "Ya-yes…I…imprinted on her: Isabella…" my eyes close against the spinning house, but I can feel everything still moving, "…Swan."

I force my bleary eyes open to peer at Sam beside me, he's staring in awe in front of him. "Sam," I mumble as the floor swirls closer to my face, seconds later my cheek colliding with the wooden boards, "Sam…I think I love her."

As reason and vision fade from my body, I hold my eyes open long enough to see the front door close slowly, as the unmistakable legs of my comrade race from my house; where he just heard those faithless words uttered from my mouth.

The vision of Jacob Black's legs blurring into a run fade from my eyes, and I drift off into a daze-like-sleep that never seems to end…

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did you like it? or was there too much...feelings in it? should i put MORE feelings and thoughts in my writing, or more action and adventure? you guys are the readers and my critics; please take the time to review and put in at least a tiny remark regarding my questions. i would LOVE to know your guyses oppinions on the matter!

yours always, Isabell The Looser...

P.S. no more limits and bribs, my faithful friend told me that it leads people away from reviewing, so now it's stopped! completely! (though i would like more than three reviews every once in a while wink, wink)


	8. Chapter 7: Confrontations of Fate

YIPEE!! yet another chapter! i'm on a roll! this one is yet again from Jake's POV...it was the only way to write and i have to worn you that after this one, there might be quite a few from both Paul's and Bella's POVs since they're gonna be like the main chars...so bear with me!

thank you SO much to x-The Younger Twin-x for reviewing to my story so diligently! she was the only one who reviewed to my request and gave me feedback! she inspired me to write this chapter, with Loads of feelings in it! Thank you So much x-The Younger Twin-x !

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Confrontations of Fate

_**Jacob Black**_

"_Sam,"__Paul whispers, his body swaying from side to side. Suddenly, right when I think he's just uncomfortable, he slumps to the ground, only his moving lips a sign that he's still conscious. "Sam…I think I love her."_

The scene plays over and over again in my head, bouncing around the walls of my brain, striking again and again at my heart like an exacto-knife being plunged into my chest. My lip curls at the thought of that…that…that _monstrous freak_ loving **my** Bella.

My body quivers as I prepare to run of, but a single blunt, angry call stops me in an instant.

"So that's it, is it." I turn to glare up at Sam, leaning against the side of Paul's house, his face an impassive wall. "You're just gonna run off when things get hard."

For a moment I think about ignoring him, of just changing here and hiding somewhere until I die. _No!_ my head screams, _that's what Paul wants! He wants you to leave so he can have Bella all to himself._

Sam's voice answers my thoughts, still in the same smooth drawl. "You know that's not true." I hear his heavy steps on the stairs, and then his hand on my bare shoulder. "You've seen Jared; you've felt what he feels, even if it's for only a moment, but still you've felt the power of the imprint has over him."

"So-?" I retort, shoving off his hand and stepping forward.

But once again, Sam's voice echoes through my very core. "So, you know it's not Paul's fault. You know he can't help his feelings."

Anger flares inside me; his words make sense, but I'm not about to give in. I wheel around to Sam, thrusting my face dangerously close to his. "He hasn't even tried! He doesn't even begin to deny his feelings; he just let's them soar and take over his world." I move away from Sam and pace past him to glare up at the house. "He doesn't even seem to care about his friends, or the impact it will have over people near him…the impact it will have over me."

Sam's cool breath blows over me, soothing the tears that are threatening to burst forth at the thought of Bella loving that…that…that animal. "If you had that happen to you; if you imprinted on someone. Would _you_ stop to think before giving in? Would you attempt to deny the pull of love dragging you towards this one person whom has sparked your interest?"

He answers his own question for me, seeing the reason in my eyes and the way my lip curls at the thought of agreeing. "No, you wouldn't. And who would? I figure someone would have to be crazy to try to resist the temptation!" his hand pats my shoulder, drawing my attention from the house. "It turns out, that Paul _is_ crazy!"

"What?" I exclaim, spinning on my heel to face him, my brow furrowing.

He smiles slightly and wraps his arm around my shoulders in a friendly gesture. "Paul _did_ resist. He fought the imprint, that's why he left the hospital, and why he hasn't left his house in two weeks. He nearly went insane trying to lock away the feelings of love towards Bella." he chuckles darkly, "It so turns out that he hates Bella! Hates her guts; that's why he's tried so hard to evade it."

His hands hold my shoulders, one in each hand, as he faces me, his eyes dark. "It nearly drove him mad. And even now, seconds after he just revealed his love for her, he is willing to keep fighting." His dark, ebony eyes search mine, "Will you be willing to risk your friends, your brothers happiness just to be with Bella?"

I bite back my tongue, shifting uneasily and trying to contain my thoughts. _Yes,_ my naughty mind whispers, _Yes, it would be worth it._

Sam pushes me towards the door of the house, still slightly open. "Go on inside, he wants to talk to you." I turn and he's sauntering off in the direction of the rest of Quilette, his shirt already half unbuttoned. "Tell him what you wish, he's sorry you heard that. He wants to know your opinion."

--

"Are you awake?" I peer down at the slumped figure of my comrade laid across his couch, his feet dangling over the edge. His eyes are closed, his breathing even, his brow furrowed in sleep. "Paul?" I call into his ear, shaking his arm roughly, "Paul! Wake up."

"Wha-? What?" He jolts awake, the right side of his hair sticking funnily out to the side. His eyes jump around the room, across the messy living room, then to me. Pain crosses his face and he covers his face. "Ugh!"

I step back and pull a chair closer to his side, plopping down into it for our deep discussion. Paul watches me in shocked silence, his face still a mask of pure anguish.

As soon as I'm situated, I start before he can. "Paul, I just want you to know that I understand why you…said those things. And that I will listen and work things out with you as best I can; and also, that I love Bella. Maybe not as much as you--your body forces you to," his face flickers with surprise then returns to frustrated, "but I still love her; and if possible, I will do anything to keep her."

"I appreciate that Jacob," he murmurs, looking at the ground, "but I've decided to keep resisting. I'm not gonna give in, not because of you or anyone else. But because I don't think I could lo…love her, and care for her as much as my brain tells me to." he grins and shrugs, "I mean, for all I know she could hate me too!"

At any other time I would've laughed, but today I'm serious; Paul needs to here what I have to say, though it hurts me to do it. "Thank you," I whisper, also staring at the ground. "Thank you for doing that…" I pause and glance up to find him watching me, his eyes a strange copper color, "…but I…I think you should--should at least try. Try to love her. Go visit her and see how she feels…" I look up, meeting Paul's gaze and I see the happiness and pain crossing his face in violent waves, each emotion fighting to be the dominant one. "…see how you feel…"

I bow my head, waiting for him to say something, anything, but all he does his stay silent; an impassive statue laying on the couch. Finally, when the silence is almost too much to bear, I look up again to find him collapsed on the sagging furnishing, his head flopped onto a pillow, and his eyes closing and opening deadly.

I pull my chair a sliver closer and continue, fighting my emotions so I can finish my speech. "Listen, Bella is being released from the hospital next Wednesday. She needs someone to drive her home cause Charlie's working, and _I_ was gonna take her home, but what if you did instead." His eyes flash to mine and then back to the ceiling, "It would be a way to meet her and get to know her; help her."

Paul's silent for a minute, his lips quivering as if he's talking to himself, then he speaks more loudly, to me, though his eyes stay fixed on the sky. "You know, Jacob. I've never loved anyone before." he pauses as if the next thing he has to say if too painful, "My parents died when I was young, leaving me this house. I have no other relatives, and for a while, I had no friends. Our pack is the first things I've even come to love; to like and enjoy." he sighs and turns his copper gaze on me, "What if I can't love her like she wants me to? What if she needs something that I can't give?" he looks at the ground again, "Maybe I'm just not cut out for this. I've never done _anything_ like this before in my life. What if I screw up?"

I look back at him, into his eyes and see the love and devotion hidden under his gaze. "I can't answer your questions; I don't think anyone can. I think you just have to try, and the rest will fall into place, if it's meant to be it will be."

His face contorts into a pained frown, then goes smooth. He sighs, "Okay, I take her. I just hope I'm strong enough."

My brow furrows in confusion, "Strong enough for what?"

He turns to me, a huge grin on his face, "Strong enough to lift a wheelchair."

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sorry this chap was so short, there wasn't really anything to say or do that was of any imporatance...the next chapter will either be from an outsiders veiw, Paul's view, or Bella's veiw...i haven't started it yet (on my computer) so please, please, please hang in with me! i write as fast as possible without making it too crappy, so bear with my slowness...i need more inspireation, so REVIEW!!

once again, i say thank you to all my reviewers and readers,

your one and only, Isabell the Looser


	9. Chapter 8: Driving Lessons

yey! another chapter! this one is too, from Paul's POV! its a new record! i updated twice in the same twenty-five hours!

boogy!

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Driving Lessons

_**Paul**_

"Do you need any help?" I ask, watching nervously as the hospital attendants place Bella gingerly in the car. She sits on the seat, head down, hands limp in her lap. I hop in the car and buckle my seat belt, almost turning on the ignition before I realize Bella's seat belt is still slacked against the wall; unbuckled.

I freeze, hand half reached over to help her clip it shut, eyeing her bandaged hands lying in her lap. I don't know if I should reach over and help or walk around the car to her side and childishly buckle it. Her scent overwhelms me, even now after I've given up on fighting.

I withdraw my hand, then shift it back, drawing it to my side for the second time. I swallow and finally reach over her chest, blushing softly when my hand brushes over her boob. "Here, let me help you with that." she looks up sadly at me when the clip clicks into place around her middle. We lock eyes again, me unable to break away. My hands begin to tremble, still stiffly holding onto the seatbelt buckle so close to her…

She looks down, to her lap again, absently playing with her hospital gown--lent to her because nothing else would fit. "Thanks," she mumbles. Her gaze flickers to my hands, so close to her, as do mine. "Umm…could you please--" her chocolate eyes turn to me again, slightly pleading.

My hands very nearly smash the steering wheel in their haste to get away. "Yeah, sorry…" I mutter, clenching the leather between my fingers. I pause, looking down at the many keys and buttons to choose from. _Oh, fuck! She can't have __**that**__ much of an effect on me!_ I search my mind fruitlessly trying to remember how to start a car. "Uh, you wouldn't happen to know--" I turn to her and she's watching my hands softly rubbing circles into the steering wheel. I gesture at the dashboard.

A tiny, miniscule fraction of amusement plays across her face, but immediately smoothes back into blankness. "Turn the key," she says, pointing with her eyes at the things dangling from the ignition, "that'll start your car."

"Oh!" I laugh embarrassedly to myself, twitching the tiny metal thing between my fingers. My car roars to life, making both of us jump. I turn to give her a weak smile, my face flushed under my dark skin, "Thanks."

She nods nonchalantly, looking out the window. Even from beside her, I can feel the pain and fear coming off her, it changes her scent to a more salty taste. "You know," she whispers, ducking her head, "I almost feel sad. Leaving here." she turns to me with another almost smile on her face, "You can't imagine why."

My lips quiver into my own partial smile, she watches me with careful hazel-brown eyes. "Actually, I think I do." I blink and look down at the steering wheel. "I think it's because it's almost a kind of home to you." I glance up through my floppy bangs to see her watching again, a strange look on her face. "It's all you can remember, so you feel scared about leaving." I pause, "But also glad, because it holds daunting memories of needles and pain. Of lying there, helpless on a bed; while everyone goggles at you like you're some sort of experiment or bug under a microscope."

We sit in silence after my long speech, me not even daring to look back up into her eyes or shift the car into gear for fear of driving badly still. We both watch as the needle on my gas meter starts to glide down the grid.

After at least ten minutes of silence, I force myself to look up, and her eyes are even worse than I thought; they carry affection, for _me_.

"Thank you," she whispers, "You seem like the only person who understands me. I like that about you." I nod slowly and bite my lip, the words I've been trying to hold in burst forth. "When I was little, I got hit by a car while riding my bicycle," I see her wince out of the corner of my eye, "I broke my spine in fifteen different places; I was stuck in the hospital for almost a full year while I slowly recovered the ability to walk."

I look up at her, then back down at the wheel, flushing. "I never saw my parents, they didn't even bother visiting. The doctors figured I would never walk again, so they found no reason to visit their _worthless_ son." I sigh and shake my head sadly, mentally reliving the scenes in my head. I shudder but continue, "At least, that's what _I_ thought. When I was released from the hospital a year later, I hobbled to the sidewalk on crutches expecting to see them drive up to get me. I waited hours and hours, but they never came. What everyone had forgotten to tell me was that my parents had been the ones that hit me." Bella flinches beside me, I feel years of anguish well up behind my eyes. "They died at the scene." I look up at her and she's nearly in tears also, "I was nine years old."

"I'm sorry," she whispers hoarsely. I shake my head, "There was nothing that could've been done." I sigh, "I guess what I mean by that story is that I know what you're feeling right now, and I want to help…in any way."

I wait for her to say she's not interested or that she doesn't need anything. I don't expect her next response. "How about you take me to Charlie's?" she asks, a small amount of laughter still visible in her voice.

"Oh, right!" I hurriedly shift into drive and apply pressure to the gas pedal. A blush is no doubt obvious on my face, but she stays emotionless, seeming to be contented with staring out the window at the passing houses. Finally we pull up to Charlie's house and I park in the driveway. "Here we are." I unbuckle my belt, and glance over at her, unmoving, staring at me. It takes me a minute to realize what the look is for; my eyes shift to her plaster encased legs and arms. "Oh, sorry, let me get that for you."

I nearly punch myself as I pass around the hood of my hummer, dashing to make up for lost time. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ I shout at myself as I unwind her arm from her belt and step back to let her climb out. She simply looks at me again, waiting. "Oh!" I exclaim again, now completely embarrassed. I hesitait when I go to lift her from the car; should I wrap my arm around her waist? Grab her hand? Lift her? I realize I can't do any of those things, in reality, because I would be hurting her nearly healing broken bones when doing them. I settle for standing there like an idiot again, before she sighs and fixes her gaze on me.

"It's okay, you can touch me. I'm mostly healed now, and I'm not _that_ breakable!" I smile and gingerly place my arm around her middle, hoisting her from the tall seat of my car. Almost at once, hot electricity surges through my skin where it touches hers. I have to fight the current pulsing through me to stop myself from letting her drop to the ground. By the time we reach the house steps, I'm out of breath from merely keeping my arm around her.

We stand at the door waiting for Charlie to answer, and when the door creaks open, I come face to face with another truth; I'll have to carry her to get her into the house. I smile at Charlie and bend to swing Bella's legs into my arms. I'm surprised at how light she is in my arms, almost like a feather floating against my chest.

I stumble up the stairs one at a time, being careful not to let her limbs bump into the guard rail or let her long legs hit the floor--though I'm tall enough to be sure that won't be a problem.

Charlie zooms past us, opening a door down the hall, "Her room." he explains as we pass through the threshold of a smallish room with a small squat bed in the corner, and a bookshelf next to an old-time computer.

I place the tiny Bella on her bed, and pace back immediately; glad the electric current has lost it's hold over me. As Charlie tucks her in and makes sure she's comfortable, Bella's eyes meet mine and something in them tells me she felt it too.

--

I fight myself the entire way into Forks, trying to tell my persistent mind that this is the stupidest, most stalker-ish thing I could do in the whole entire world. But my conscious is too high and I feel I must see her, and if she's awake, speak to her again…maybe.

At least my car is quiet as I park across the street from her house, and climb out. I launch myself across the lawn, hiding in the shadows on the other side. Bunching my werewolf muscles, I jump up to her window and peer through the miraculously open window.

There lies Bella, sleeping soundly on her bed, her plaster encased legs sticking out from the blanket across her body. Her chest rises and falls peacefully under the cotton sheet, a short brown stubble of hair visible in the moonlight pouring onto her calm face.

I watch her in awe of how beautiful she is, how indescribably breakable and tiny she looks when her face isn't formed into a mask of pain and confusion. I want so much to touch her cheek, to kiss her forehead and tell her I love her, to tuck the blanket around her gaunt and bony frame. But I can't, and I won't until I know for sure that that's how it's supposed to be, how she feels about me.

I realize I'm leaning in through her window, when she shifts restlessly and her face turns to me. I freeze, frightened and feeling stupid for getting caught watching her sleep, but then she sighs and rolls back over.

"Paul…" she sighs sleepily, her back to me, "Paul…" she rolls back over, hunched into a ball, and I see a small smile on her face as she murmurs my name. "Paul."

My heart reacts like I've never felt before. It feel like it will explode it's so happy, so jubilant that she cares. It sings in my chest, and my pulse quickens through my body. A wide smile spreads over my face, touching my eyes. "Bella." I whisper back, and my heart skips a beat when she rolls over again, her eyes wide in amusement.

"I knew you were there," she says quietly.

My heart stops beating.

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eeheehee! cliffy! (major) don't ya just love me? what will happen? what _did_ happen? find out in the next chapter...i will write as fast as possible; i know how annoying cliffys can be as a reader!

please don't kill me! please review! just hit that little button down there, and then you can rant all you want about my mistakes or my right...even a quick "good" is okay with me, just let me know how i'm goin!

my best regards, Isabell the Looser


	10. Chapter 9: Realization

sorry about the two month wait! i was in england visiting my grandma without computer useage...so SORRY!! but here it is! chapter nine!!

Disclaimer: S.M. owns everything...though the way the characters act and reason in my story is all MINE!! hahahahahahah!!

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Realization

_**Isabella Swan**_

_I dream I'm walking in a forest--a deep dark forest that I know, but can't remember…Every tall, mossy tree I pass pricks at my hidden memories, fighting against the steel walls that bind them. _

_A growl sounds behind me and I feel soft fur brush the skin on my neck, warmth pulsing through my bones; spreading an odd sense of calm through me. I can sense someone walking beside me; feel the swish of clothing and the shift in the air as they move beside me, matching me pace; smell a soft woodsy scent flowing off the person's warm body. The fur on my neck is replaced by smooth, scalding hot skin._

_My dream changes in a flash. I blink and the forest is gone, replaced by an empty, silent round room made up of strange black bricks--this room, too, is familiar. The air is cooler here, filled with a tangy, delicious scent like roses or honey mixed with the smell of a mucky swamp or fresh mud and pine. _

_There comes a hiss from behind me, a flood of cold air like a shift in the wind on my shoulder. I turn sharply, looking into the eyes of a pale-faced man; who's eyes glow a dark ruby, with flowing black hair falling over his gaunt face. He places one bone-like hand on my shoulder, his nails curving like claws into my skin. _

_I try to jump away from this man; this hideously beautiful man, but I can only strain my body towards the smooth walls. I look down to find my hands white as they strain against thick rope cords, my ankles tugging uselessly from their positions against the legs of my chair._

_The man's grip tightens, his rough hold excruciatingly tight, yet his skin is like velvet brushing against my arm. _

"_You can try to escape, my dear, but you'll never get farther than a foot before I catch you," he sneers at me as he steps gracefully in front of me. "You cannot possibly defeat me; I'm too strong."_

_Fear is no doubt clear on my face. He smiles, showing bone-white teeth through scarlet red lips. "Please," I beg; I can't help myself. "Please, don't kill me."_

_He chuckles, and the sound is like an organ. "Don't worry, my dear,"--why was he calling me that?--"It will come fast, no pain. No one will even hear you scream."_

"_I doubt that." _

_My heart jumps to my throat at the familiar voice. A picture of him jumps into my head; tall, lean, auburn-black hair, large dark brown eyes, wide, full lips. _

_I gulp. Paul._

_My tormentor glances up with a frown. "Who--" he begins, but then he disappears. There's a flash of silver, a crash, and then the pale-skinned man is crouched against the wall, his fingers curled into claws on the ground as rubble falls from his shoulders. Chunks of the black bricks behind him are missing. He races forward, towards me, his lips pulled back into a snarl._

_I can only close my eyes and gasp in panic. "Paul!" I want to scream, but no words come out. _

_There's another ear-splitting thud; like thunder rolling over the mountains, and the man is once again crouched against the wall, a piece of his shoulder missing instead of the bricks. His eyes are fixed on Paul, standing directly before me in a similar position, his fingers twitching at his sides like he's playing the piano; a chunk of what looks like white stone clenched in his right hand. He tosses it to the side and it clatters along the floor like a rock. _

_They clash against, though this time Paul is forced backwards with the force of the attack. He turns to gaze at me with those warm black eyes, and all my worries melt like warm honey. I smile at him despite our surroundings, and he returns it with a whimsical grin. There's a growl, and he turns back to face my attacker, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. _

_There comes an unmistakable cry of pain, and his hand falls to his side as his body folds in on itself on the stone floor. I cry out in horror._

"_Paul!" the sound comes out as a whisper. _

_A smear of blood shows faintly against the dark tone of his clenched fist. The man leans over his motionless body and licks at the crimson liquid; then he glares up at me, and his eyes are bright ruby._

"_Paul." I whisper as he crouches over me. His lips press to my throat, and I sink into darkness._

I wake slowly, drifting into consciousness by the lulling sound of a soft, familiar voice; one that sends chills of pleasure through my body. I stay motionless, concentrating on making my breathing stay even and slow.

"Bella." he whispers back. I hear the creak of wood as he shifts his weight to lean through my window.

I clasp my eyes tighter for a second, breathing out loudly in a gust of peace. I half smile to myself, then open my eyes and roll over to face him. "I knew you were there," I whisper, smiling calmly at him.

His eyes bug out of his head, and he freezes momentarily and I can almost hear his heart pounding away. In half a second he's shifted his position into a crouch; his fingers clenched on the sill to spring away, his eyes fixed on my perplexed face.

I watch in awe as he tightens his muscles--muscles someone his age shouldn't even have--and at the sheer length of his body. Surely no one grows _that_ much within the age length of seventeen years! My heart pounds away like his, a strange feeling of longing in it that I've never felt before. I want to jump up and slam the window shut; lock him in here forever. I want him to hold me close to his chest like earlier today as he carried me; to feel his warmth on my skin all the time…But _why?_ Why do I want that? I'll probably never know.

Suddenly his body moves to spring from the window, his eyes averted from me to the ground below. As if like a magnet, my body moves with his, shifting my weight to my left side as I try to lung after him.

"No!" I yell, throwing my body over the edge of the bed. My legs struggle to hold up my weight; wobbling with the effort, then they sway at the knees and I collapse in a heap on the floor, my heart pounding blood through my stinging legs. An image of Paul's startled face is emblazoned on my eyelids, a look of pure horror plastered on his brow.

I hear Charlie in the other room, his heavy breathing abruptly stopping and then the loud footfalls as he hauls himself down the hall. Panic tears through me, and I turn to see Paul paused in the window, his face uncertain.

I raise one hand out to him, "Wait!" I call, but his brow hardens as the floorboards creak outside my door, and he throws himself out the window. I don't even hear him hit the ground.

"Bella?" Charlie calls through the ajar door, "Can I come in, honey? Are you okay?"

I sigh, glance once more out through the swaying curtains, and turn to my father. "I'm fine…Dad. I just fell out of bed, can you help me?"

An awkward silence passes between us, then he shuffles in and we begin the difficult process of getting me back in bed. When finally Charlie is sweating, red-faced, but undoubtedly proud of himself, with me in bed situated amongst my pillows, I gaze longingly out the window, questions unearth themselves.

Why was he in my room, watching me? Why did he run when I caught him? I frown and Charlie follows my gaze.

"Is everything alright, honey?" he turns his torso to crane his neck out the window. "I can stay until you fall asleep, if you want?"

"Um…No, Dad. I'm fine, really. I just thought I saw something…"I glare once more out the moonlit window, then I ask Charlie to close it.

An hour later, as I lie in bed, I hear the howl of a wolf; low and resounding, the sound of an animal mourning the end of night. Then, finally, sleep takes me.

--

"How you doing, Bells?"

I glance up at the top of Jacob's head, then at his fingers twisting and untwisting a corner of my blanket. "I'm fine," I whisper, watching his bobbed hair swing back and forth around his chin.

He sighs and nods solemnly. "You need something?"

I glance up at him at the same time that he does. We both look away; him blushing. "No," I whisper, rubbing a bit of fuzz between my fingers.

His eyebrows raise but he continues to play with the fringe on my blanket. "You wanna tell me something?"

I shake my head, "No."

He sighs again, and I look up to see him watching me with confused, angry eyes. "Then what do you want, Bella?" he waves his free hand in the air, "I mean, you had Charlie call me out of school to talk to you, so what do you want?"

Shrinking slightly into the pillows, I return to playing with the fuzz ball. "I just…just…"

"What, Bella?!"

"I just…wanted to know…how…" I glance up at him and hold his gaze, "I just wanted to know how Paul was doing." A huge weight lifts from my chest. Finally, I got it out.

Jacob's brow furrows and he stares out the window for a minute, his nostrils flare and then he glances at me from the corner of his eye. "He was here…wasn't he?"

I nod, remembering. "Last night. I don't know why, though. He left before I could ask him anything."

I watch as his head absentmindedly bobs as he stares out the window, his mouth wording something I can't make out. Finally he turns to me again, sighing.

"Do you know why, Jacob?"

He drops his eyes immediately. "No."

"Well…" I bit my lip, "Could you ask him then?"

His head jerks up, his eyes peering down at me strangely; then they brighten and his lips partially lift into a smile. "No. But _you_ could." he smiles and retrieves his keys from his jeans. He jangles them and grins, "I could drive you down there right now, too. School's almost out, anyway…though Paul rarely goes there anyways."

"What about…" I glance down at myself; a lump under the blankets. I rephrase, "…Charlie?"

He grins again and hops up from the bed; it bounces and rises without his weight. "Don't worry, I'll take care of him." he heads for the door, "Get ready, I'll be back in three minutes, tops."

--

"Here you go. Now watch your step!"

I grimace and slid down the last foot or so of sand. "Ouch!" I hobble on one foot with Jacob supporting my weight until the pain reseeds from my ankle. I glance down at it and place it gingerly back on the ground amid a pile of driftwood. "Being crippled is not fun!"

Jacob chuckles beside me and winds his arm around my shoulder so I can hobble to level ground. "I can always carry you, like I said." Something in his voice sounds vaguely hopeful; he holds out his free arm to me, grinning.

A poker face flashes across my face, "No thanks. I've been carried enough in the last month to last me a lifetime! I'd rather hobble."

Jacob bits his lip but holds out his hand to me. "You never minded _him_ carrying you--" He glances at me and clamps his mouth shut.

"Him?" I ask, "Who's Him?" The only guys I know that have carried me--or in Charlie's case, _tried_ to carry me--are Jacob, Dr. Cullen, and …Paul. I gulp and my heart reacts to his name.

I look up to see Jacob scrutinizing my face. His face turns grim. "So what do you want to do until Paul gets here?"

I ignore his attempt to sway me from my former subject, and simply reply, "What's there to do around here?"

Jacob laughs and tows me around a rough bit of rock, and around a sharp corner. "Sitting is the only thing I had in mind for _you_."

I frown, "Then what are you going to do?"

He grins and tightens his grip on my hand, "You'll see."

--

I squeal as another torrent of water sprays out from the beach, soaking me in its foaming droplets. "Jacob!" I wipe at my eyes and arms.

Booming laugher echoes out from the water, but I can't spot his face anywhere amongst the spiraling waves.

"Where are you?!" I blink water from my eyes and peer out through the mist. "Jacob!"

Another torrent of water whips into my face, dripping down the front of my shirt. "Okay! This isn't funny anymore!" I flick water from my finger tips.

A warm hand flitters over my arm, flicking water from my skin. "Sorry. Guess I got a little carried away." Jacob grins down at me, and crouches down to join me on the now soaking blanket laid out across the pebbles. "You should have seen your face, though! It was priceless! You looked like a half-drowned cat!!"

I grimace and curl my arms around my knees, shivering. "If that's what you say…" My teeth chatter.

Jacob scrutinizes my face again for a second, his eyes wandering over my sunken and wet face. Then he grins, flashing his teeth at me. "Awe come on, Bells! It was just a bit of fun!" He wipes hastily at my bare knees and laughs. "Hilarious fun, too!"

"I'll bet it was."

We both freeze, then turn in synchronization. There, towering over us, stands Paul; his hands balled into fists at his sides, his brow furrowed as he scrutinizes us from seven feet above. I glance down immediately as his gaze latches onto mine; Jacob merely laughs and leaps to his feet in a surprisingly graceful movement for someone so tall.

He clasps Paul on the arm, "Hey there, brother. We were waiting for you." he turns to grin at me and winks, "We got kinda bored, though."

I smile blankly up at him. Now that Paul's here, I wish I were somewhere else. What if I make him angry? What if he won't answer my questions? Will Jacob stay with me if I ask?

He answers my unspoken question as he waves good-bye. "Have fun!" he yells, already striding away down the beach. I wave until he's lost in the fog, and take a deep breath before turning my attention to Paul.

He's watching me--appraising me, more like--with those deep brown eyes that I dreamed off the night he was in my room. His hands, at least, are no longer balled up, but hanging limply at his sides; his fingers gripping the baggy sides of his jeans.

I sigh and meet his gaze, holding my eyes with his for the longest seconds in my life. Then my tongue kicks into gear. I don't know how long he'll comply to my questions. "You were in my room last night." The words were meant to be demanding and stating, but when they come out they seem dead and naïve.

He raises an eyebrow at me, "Yes?" The end of his only word tingles like he was thinking it as a question. My thoughts falter as his eyes bore into mine.

Chicken through and through, I look down at my feet, playing with a loose string on my jean-shorts. "Why?" I ask innocently, pulling on the thread.

I sneak a glance at him and he's still watching me; a grin spreading across his face. "Why not?"

His response takes me by surprise, and my tongue jumps into retaliation mode. "Because it's my personal space, and I want to know _why_!"

The centers of his eyes tighten the slightest bit at my words. This time he looks away from me, to the ocean rolling in waves and crashing upon the shore. I can almost see his mind working overtime; trying to determine whether to tell me the truth or not. The gears in his head click as he looks back down at me.

"I was worried about you," his voice falters in the middle, then jumps up an octave. "I wanted to make sure you got settled okay."

I glare up at him with scrutinizing eyes, "So you climbed up to my two-story window, and watched me _sleep_?!" He winces and takes a frantic step back. "Why didn't you just use the front door like normal people? Or better yet, wait until morning?!"

His nostrils flare, and his hands are balled into fists as he speaks the words that make my heart stutter. "Because I couldn't wait that long to see you."

I draw back with my mouth slightly open, watching as his eyes turn from anxious, hard rock, to liquid gold in a split second.

He takes a tentative step closer, "Because I didn't want you to know I was there…watching over you." His eyes melt and shimmer like butterscotch and honey.

My breath catches in my throat, and my body responds to the cold water and wind on my skin at the same moment that my nerves decide to involuntarily shudder. I wrap my arms hastily around my knees and draw them painfully to my chest to stop the shivers. He might not have noticed if my teeth hadn't started chattering then; then again, maybe he would have.

"You're cold." his voice isn't plain and unresponsive like I expected. It's appalled. He shoots a glance up the beach where Jacob disappeared and mutters something to himself that sounds like a long rant of profanities. He pauses, grits his teeth, then meets my gaze as another shiver rolls through me. His shoulder rolls back and he shrugs off his jacket.

And it is then, as he pulls off his coat, that I realize that I've never noticed anything past him always wearing jeans. I'm always so preoccupied with his eyes and facial expressions that I never really _look_ at him. I make myself look now.

He's wearing a gray t-shirt with tight long-sleeves that accentuates his semi-muscular chest, and that falls over the large pockets of his dark blue jeans. The bottoms of his pants are tucked into the back of his tennis shoes to keep them dry. He looks everywhere else but me as he folds his black jacket in half and passes it to me.

"Here," he says. I shiver again and take it from him, accidentally touching the back of his hand. Immediately he draws back, leaving the coat in my hand, and his eyes are glaring down at me. "Why are you so cold all the time?!" his voice is appalled again, "Don't you _ever_ wear a jacket?"

I smile wryly, "I don't _remember_ ever wearing one. But I probably did _once_."

He studies me for a second, then gestures at the coat in my hand. "Put it on."--another shudder passes through my body--"_Before_ you catch a cold."

I nod, my teeth mashing together in violent force, and slip it around my shoulders. Immediately I feel the warmth seep into my skin. Inside it smells amazing--like every mouthwatering thing you've ever smelled mixed together into one unique scent--in truth it feels like it was just retrieved from a dryer, it's so warm. I keep my hands inside the too-long sleeves and wrap them around my knees.

I sigh and inhale the heavenly scent again. "Thanks," I mutter.

Paul shoves his hands into his pocket, his shoulders rigid. "Yeah, well, I figured it would be on my permanent record if I let a girl freeze to death right in front of me." he smiles down at me, "Anyways…Is this seat taken?" He gestures at the empty space on the blanket next to me.

"Oh. No, sit, of course. I don't care." My heart reacts, though, when he flops down beside me and his skin is within two inches of my own.

We watch the water roll and slosh for an immeasurable minute before he finally break the silence.

"You wanted to talk to me?"

I glance at him from the corner of my eye, but he's still watching the water with rapt attention. And I notice that his arms are wrapped around his knees like mine. "Yes?" I ask, wary.

He plays with the knees of his pants, his eyes down cast. "What about? _Besides_ the fact that I'm a stalker."

That stops me in my tracks. What _did_ I want to ask him? What could have possibly driven me to such lengths as to have Charlie drag Jacob from school so I could ask him how Paul was, then agree to go with Jacob when he suggested I talk to Paul myself? What did I come all the way here for? Why am I so enraptured with this strange, beautiful boy? Then I know, as I remember talking in his car the day before.

"I don't really know…except that when I talked to you in your car yesterday…well, I felt like you were the only one who would answer my questions without sidestepping the _actual_ question." I grin wryly at him; he smiles back, slightly wary. "You, like Jacob, have no regard for my feelings." At once he goes rigid, his shoulders shuddering like he's been hurt. I stare at him in shock, until he finally smiles again and relaxes his pose; his hand remains clenched on his knee.

"Anyway," I continue, shooting a glance at his stretched tendons, "I guess I came here because I wanted answers to my questions." I shake my head in exasperation, "You can't imagine how _annoying_ it is to not know _anything_!"

I turn my head to see he's smiling wryly at me, his eyebrow raised. His eyes twinkle mischievously, "I can't imagine. But I do wonder…Did you get your questions answered?"

I sigh, "Nope. Just _more_ dumb questions."

He chuckles and appraises me; my half dried clothes, my little stubble of hair dripping water down my face. "_And_ you got wet."

I half-smile and wipe half-heartedly at my wet legs, then my arms. "Yeah, well, Jacob got bored, so I was chosen to entertain him with my amazing half-drowned cat impressions." I blink and reach up to swat away a pesky water droplet from my eyelid.

Paul chuckles, but his mouth remains somehow in a perfectly straight line. He waves my hand away, "Here, let me." He pulls the sleeve of his shirt over his palm and presses it to the droplet.

My hands drop numbly into my lap as I strain all my senses onto just him. How warm his skin is even through his sleeve, how his eyes blaze as he catches another stray drop on my temple, and how the mouthwatering scent of him is increased to excruciating pleasantness as he leans closer to me.

His hand slides down my eyebrow, then glides over my temple once more before slowly drawing down my cheek. At the last minute his wrist twists, and then I feel his soft skin on my cheek; warming me and sending my heart into an erratic panic.

It glides smoothly to my chin, where it shifts and then his hand is cupping my face; his thumb rubbing my cheek. It is then, as I feel his warm, succulent breath on my face, that I realize that, while he is leaning into me, I am leaning into him.

Our eyes meet for the slightest, yet longest minute I've ever experienced, then he inclines his head, and his lips touch mine.

At first, all I can feel is my blood pounding through my veins and my heart completely haywire in my chest. Then I delve deeper into myself, and feel the serenity that is the reason for my body's panic.

His lips move against mine softly; slowly pressing again and again to my own, his right hand moving to cup my other cheek. It feels like his warmth is everywhere; everything. It pulses from his hands, down my neck; from his lips moving ever-so-gently on mine.

He leans in ever-so-slightly, drawing my face closer to his, while his body shifts over mine. That's when it hits me.

I see it all as a slide show. Me, happy--joyful even--wrapping my arms around someone's neck. I press my lips to there's, softly, gently, testing. A body slides over mine--like Paul's now--and a cold body presses to mine feverishly. Our lips meet again. Then sharp, pointed, cutting nails bite into my shoulders. I feel warm liquid drip down my arms, and then my body is thrown against a wall. My body is beaten; stabbed and kicked bloody by those same cold hands. And then I feel the pain; the pain I've felt for a month now, as my bones re-grow together and my bruises reseed.

I jerk away from the warm lips, the warm body leaving; shifting away from me. I open my eyes to see Paul then, leaning away from me on his elbows; like me away from him. He's also watching me, with those same saddened brown eyes.

He breaths heavily, glances down, then meets my gaze again with those pained eyes. He swallows. "I'm sorry, Bella," he whispers, his voice hoarse. "Are you okay?"

My body shakes uncontrollably; from the flashback or from the impulsive kiss I don't know, but it shakes and throbs. My lips feel warm and moist; unusual. I reached up hastily and wipe at them with the back of my hand. My eyes never leave his.

"Bella," he says again, louder. "Bella, are you okay?" He reaches out to me, but I shrink reflexively away, staring down his hand like a poisonous snake. His fingers curl into a ball and he returns it to his side, his eyes agonized. "I'm sorry, Bella," he repeats, "I'm so sorry."

He reaches out to me again, this time for my hand. My mind over-loads, "Stay away from me!" I scream, "Don't touch me!" He shrinks away, still watching me, as my voice resounds down the beach.

Then I hear the voice I've been wishing for. "Bella?! Paul?" Jacob jogs up with his hair windblown and disheveled--probably from sleep. His gaze flickers from me to Paul; from Paul to me, trembling. "What happened?"

Me and Paul meet gazes again, both of our eyes uncertain. Should we tell him the truth? Or say everything is fine? _You're not fine, though, _my brain screams at me, _You've just been kissed by an almost-complete stranger, and you're shaking uncontrollably.Get out of here!!_

My head flicks up, taking advantage of Jacob's appearance. "Jacob? Can you take me home now?"

His eyes widen, then flick to Paul and back again. He shrugs, "Sure. Did you find out all you wanted?"

"Plenty," I assure him. "I'm just getting _really_ tired!"

"Yeah, okay," he shrugs again. "You ready?"

"Yep." I reach out my hand to him and he gently pulls me under his arm; supporting me again. "Bye, Paul."

I turn my head slightly as Jacob speed-walks me up to his house, and catch a glimpse of Paul still sitting on the blanket, his head sunken into his hands, his body shaking.

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well...how did you like it? also, how many time do you think i used some form of "scruntinize"? haha! it was the only word that fit everywhere for like two pages! please R&R! i like to know what people think i should do next and from who's POV it should be from...so if you have any good ideas please let me know! i might put them in and give a cudos!!

heehee! i'm so proud of this chapter! they have real conversations! not just, "Hi. Hi. How are you? Good. How are yo? Good. Great." they talk!! i tried to put in more action without describing every little detail of what they do. do you think it worked??

also...did you get the part where she finally looks at his clothes? that's one of the parts i kinda half-stole from the book Twilight..where Edward takes her out for dinner and he offers her his jacket. yep. i didi that on purpose...but i'm not claiming that part as mine! it is totally S.M.'s!!

the next might be from Alice's...i'm not sure...or maybe one of the werewolves...?

Isabellthelooser (cudos to all that have reviewed so far! it is thanks to your positive input that i buckled down today to finished this!)


	11. Chapter 10: Harsh Love & Fixed Passion

i'm afraid this chapter was a little rushed, and may seem weird...but i'm tired of trying to find ways to get to this point...so here it comes! i didn't know how to convey what i needed to, without using two people's POVs, so i'm afraid this one's got two. SORRY for any inconviences.

Isabellthelooser

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Harsh Love

_**Quil Jr.**_

Dude, why is Paul _crying_? He never cries!

I crept ever-so-closer and peeked down at him. Yep! Definitely sobbing his little heart out! But _why_? Did his girlfriends dump him?

Then I saw it all through Jacob's mind. Paul kissing Bella, stroking her cheek, giving her his jacket; then her pulling away, angry, frightened, begging to leave. Then I understood. That's why Paul's sitting here, balling silently, crouched on a wet blanket on the beach, his head in his hands; his clothes smelling of Bella.

A broken heart. Wow. I can't imagine that. Losing Claire. Harsh.

_Love sucks, dude, _I thought-said to Jacob, _But we love love anyway, don't we?_

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_**Fixed Passion**_

_**Paul**_

_God, what did I ever do to deserve this?_ I lay sprawled on my bed, my shirt off, trying to ease the throb of my broken heart. Nothing works though. Cause every time my lips brush together I think of me kissing Bella yesterday; every time I clench my pillow into my fist I think of how my hand cupped her face; all the time her face is engraved into my eyes, that look of pain and fear in her eyes, the way her body shook even with my jacket on, how she pulled away and begged to leave; how she left with Jacob.

"God. Get out of there!" My fist pounds relentlessly into my skull, trying to force the memories away; but they drift back, silent, slow, and deadly. "Ugh!" I rub my temples, trying to fight the throb of my skull now.

Surely the whole neighborhood hears me thundering down the stairs in search of Advil. Pots and pans clank together; a loaf of bread ends up flattened under my foot; and still, no Advil, and my head is pounding.

Then I find it, hidden behind a jar of Boysenberry jam. I dump two into my palm, then freeze; reading the back of the bottle. _Do NOT take more than two doses in less than twenty-four hours._ Without thinking I dump six more pills out and fill a glass with water.

Surely this is the best way to die; painless, and while no one cares whether you live or die. I swish a mouthful of water around in my mouth. Bella's voice pops into my head. _"You, like Jacob, have no regard for my feelings."_ I shudder. How can she think that? After I gave her my jacket, kissed her; _loved _her! To compare me to _Jacob_ too! Ugh!

Eyeing my suicide pills, I cock my head, ready to toss them in there and let the drugs do their work. Then there comes a knock at the door. I sigh and glare at the entrance way; begging God to make the person on the other side just poof away.

I throw two pills in and swallow them, then ready the next four.

_Knock, knock, knock._

I swish more water in my mouth, drawing up my hand to throw them in…

"Paul?" comes a soft, familiar voice from behind the door, "Paul? Are you in here? Jacob said you haven't left since yesterday." Silence. "Paul? Can I come in?"

My feet fly like my heart as I twist the deadbolt and fling open the door. And there she is, the embodiment of beauty. "Bella? What do you want?"

Her gaze flicks up to mine. She smiles and holds out a folded bit of black fabric with one hand; the other holds her body erect by way of crutches. "Your jacket," she mutters. "I forgot to give it back to you yesterday." She blushes and brushes her hair behind one ear after I take my coat back. "So…" she mutters, "Can I come in for a second? There's…something I need to ask you."

"Umm…" I glance around the room, doing a quick check to make sure everything is in perfect order. "Yeah, come in. Sure. You need some help?"

"I got it." She wobbles over the threshold on her crutches, leaving behind a trail of clicky-noises. "Umm…can we sit somewhere…this might take a while."

"Yeah, sure, umm…the living room's this way." I lead her left through a narrow hallway, and help her get situated on one of my mom's old love seats. "So...you wanted to talk?"

"Yes," she says, taking a deep breath.

I fold my hands in front of me. "About?" I press.

She takes another deep breath then looks up at me with those irresistible brown eyes. "You kissed me yesterday. And I want to know…why you did…" her eyes become pained and sad, "Was it a dare, or were you delusional…" she breaths deeply and glances up at me from her hands, "…or do you…do you…"

I lean forward, curious. "Do I what?"

Her hands clasp into tiny fists, her heart hammering away. She blushes pink. "Or do you love me?"

I look down, unable to meet her gaze any longer. I swallow and fight back my own blush. "I definitely wasn't hallucinating when I kissed you, Bella. And I don't believe in dares." I take a deep breath, and meet her gaze. "I love you, Bella. Actually more than I can stand right now, to be truly honest." My voice bridges on hysteria on the end.

She watches me for the longest moment; measuring my honesty, I guess, and scrutinizing every aspect of my blush. Just as I'm about to flee the room in embarrassment, she sighs. "Well, I guess that's it then."

She stands, wobbles for a moment, and then slowly makes her way around the coffee table to the chair where I sit. As she grows closer she keeps her eyes forever downcast. Then, two feet away from me, she places her crutches against the wall and takes a wobbly step towards me.

On instinct my arms outstretch to break her fall, and she tumbles right into my arms; right into my lap. As I strain to make out her expression; to apologize, she reaches out with one hand and gently places her fingertips on my face. Her eyes convey every ounce of fear she feels, her body shaking against me, her voice quavering as she speaks the words that free me from my living hell.

"I love you too."

And we're kissing again, like before, but this time she's kissing me back. The feel of her lips moving on mine is amazing; like nothing I've ever experienced, like we're two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together.

In a whoosh of air, my lips shift to provide us both with oxygen, while my hands move to her face too; my fingers twisting into her hair. Our bodies press together, and then…she pushes against my chest, her lips sobered and barely moving. She moans and pushes harder when I refuse to let go of her.

She pulls her face back, breathless and wary. "Please Paul, let go. Please," she pants. "I just--need a--break."

Obediently, not wanting to push her, I unwind my hands from her face; shifting back into my chair as she grabs for her crutches.

There comes a knock at the door. "Bella?" a man's voice calls. I easily detect the speaker.

"Charlie's here? Why?!"

She smiles and places each crutch under her armpit. "You don't think I'd drive _myself_ here, do you?" she gestures at her plastered legs. "Besides, he wanted to visit Billy Black on the way home."

I nod, but remain speechless. My breath's still coming in gasps.

She heads for the door, "Good-bye, Paul."

"Wait!" I call, lunging from my seat to place my hand over hers on the crutch. "When will I see you again?"

She smiles and laughs softly. "I'm going to be staying up late tonight. Leg pains, you know." she pats her bum leg. "You could stop by. Be all Incognito again."

I smile back at her and step back, "Alright. Bye, Bella."

She smiles again and opens the door, slipping out into the afternoon sun and closing the door. My heart pounds once she leaves my house. She said 'I love you too', to _me_!

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good? bad? way too out of character? let me know what you think. i'm not much fond of this chap myself...but youknow, not all writing can be a great work of art! even S.M. has her bad chapters and moments...so why can't i have mine?

i'm getting better at dialogue, as i mentioned in the last chapter. it was actually very hard for me and it took about the whole day to write cause i knew what i wanted to say...and usually i end up just having them say yes, no, i don't want to go there, fine. but i really tried to make it flow and sound kinda...conversationy. and i think it worked, for the most part. what do you guys think? TELL ME!! R&R!!

Cudos to all, Isabellthelooser


	12. Chapter 11: Penance

i do not own anything that could possibly be Stephenie Meyer's. please don't sue me!!!

i'm sorry for not updating since last year....i've been magerly (majerly?) slacking and i'm sorry. this one is from Ed's POV and this time i must ask that either during or after you read it you listen to "Goodbye To You" by Michelle Branch because it goes with this chapter perfectly.

thank you for everyone's support so far.

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**Penance**

In one action; one violent act of fury, I'd killed everything I lived for. One second of complete happiness; one moment of imperfect awareness, and I'd lost the only thing I cared for. In one millisecond of freedom; one slip on my part, and the monster had taken over. I'd lost control for just one second, and it was like that first day in biology. I couldn't stop my thirst; couldn't _make_ myself stop, and now my life had ceased to exist.

Like I'd once told her, my life was nothing without her: '_Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars, points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire, there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.'_

And that was how it was now; though this time no matter how long I lived in the darkness, my eyes would never adjust. I now easily accepted that I would never see the stars again. In fact, I didn't want to. In fact, I never wanted to see **myself** again. For I was the one--the monster--that took the love from my life; the sun from my day; the stars from my night. I was the real reason I was alone right now; why the meteor would never cross my sky again.

Just the thought of living without her brought about the familiar, uncomfortable feelings; loss, guilt, sadness, longing, a death wish…

_No, _I scolded myself, _I made that mistake once and I won't do it again--at least not until she really is gone. Then there _will_ be no other option._

And that thought helped to ease the burden--no matter how infinitesimally--and it helped me breathe. It didn't last long though, the relief, and my chest began to ache in a now familiar way. Bella wasn't dead. I'd seen her; crumpled, bleeding, practically lifeless on Jacob's living room floor--but still alive; still the only thing that mattered in my life.

I'd insisted on going along with Carlisle that day, not caring that my eyes still glowed crimson, just to see her; just one glimpse of her chest rising and falling, and then I'd be satisfied. And so, when I crossed the Blacks' threshold and saw her; twisted and crippled, I'd smiled, finally contented, and stepped closer instinctively.

That's about when I heard Jacob's thoughts--they would have been comical if it weren't for the contorted body that he shielded from me. _Just look at him, _he thought, glaring my way, _I can't believe he has the nerve to come here--to show his face. And he's smiling? He was probably planning this from the beginning; lure her closer to him, and then kill her and drink her blood. How disgusting! I should just smash that smirk right off his face! …Is he laughing? Okay, now he's going down!_

How he could have seen us together--me and Bella--all those times, and still not believed I loved her? How could he have known about my trip to see the Volturi, and not see that the real reason was because I valued her life over my own? But his thoughts alone made me want to start laughing. And maybe I would have, if it weren't for Bella waking up right at that moment; for her to sit up slightly and increase the flow of blood from her wounds at that precise moment.

But, instead, it hit me again--hard--the fragrant, undeniable, delicious scent of her blood. A mixture of venom and saliva foamed into my mouth and my nostrils flared, the monster raving against its bonds, as my blood red eyes zeroed in on the sweet trickles of blood racing over her sallow skin.

The other, more logical human reason for the sudden, quick exit that followed would have been that there was a werewolf-boy racing towards me at full velocity with his fist raised to about nose level; but, then again, I wasn't human. And I ran from the sweet fragrance of her blood.

Carlisle, of course, kept his mind on his work--on Bella's twisted body--and expertly ignored his failure-son's flee, and swooped in on Bella.

I couldn't stay any longer, even to see if she would be okay. I was mortified at myself. I'd come _this_ close to killing her again; of letting go, shoving Jacob out of the way, and feeding…drinking…pressing my lips to her neck…breathing in her fragrance…letting the blood flood over my tongue and down my throat…

_NO!!_

My cry might have been real--a scream of agony--if I could have mustered enough strength to utter a whisper. As it were, I had not spoken once since that fateful night--not one word. And so, my scream was my own to cherish; resounding through my head as I threw myself forward, burying my face in my pillow.

"Please God," I whispered hoarsely. It was probably an understatement to say that the past month had been Hell for me. I couldn't seem to escape all the horrors of that night; I couldn't face anything, not even my own reflection, which, though my ruby eyes had faded, still reminded me of my other half—Bella.

Everything about me seemed to somehow relate to her. Everything we had shared – every moment, every place we'd visited, every face that had once frowned upon us now merely looked away. My fingers twittered restlessly – constantly – but I couldn't find it in me to write or to play. Her face that day; her smile, her voice, her warmth beside on the bench now haunted my very being. I shied away from things I loved; my books, my music, my family, my friends, our house, myself.

The only thing I could seem to do was curl tight in a ball and pray that I wouldn't fall to pieces. To hope that someday, somehow, I would find a way to fix things; to be able to step out of my room and face the people on the other side of the door. But that time was far off and unobtainable.

I would stay in this room until I died.

But what about the people on the other side? Even thinking about them made me disgusted, but I had to; I made myself.

It was my fault that they were like this now. Haunted, silent, hateful. I had done this to them. I had ruined any chance they had for a life. I was slowly killing myself, and they were dying too.

The sun is setting. The stars beginning to glimmer into the sky, but I turn away from their beguiling beauty. Their points seem to spell out her name, their light illuminating only the path with which I must walk.

It has been a month. One solid, painful, maddening month, and now it is time to step out into the world; to find the light that has left me in utter darkness. That light now lingers in this small house, in a small town, in a small room, looking out a small window; a small face resting in a small hand.

I feel myself weaken at the sight of her face. I remember a time when I used to look at this face and think that I deserved her – that I owned her. No one should own her – no one ever will. Looking at her; watching her, I can see now how independent she has become. Of course, when you lose everything; when you know nothing and no one, you have no choice but to fend for yourself. And that's what this girl did.

She combs out her mahogany hair, gets into her pajamas, then settles down by the window. She is waiting too – watching. But the dog is not here yet; he is late.

Charlie interrupts her by knocking on the door and telling her good-night. I take her momentary distraction to race into the shadows under her house and scramble up the wall. I am halfway up when her face appears in the window again, though she doesn't spy me. She is faster than I thought; probably warding off Charlie in case the dog shows up.

I wait for her to look away, then scramble onto the roof. A steady rain begins to fall; misting the air, and the sun disappears beyond the horizon. It is dark enough so that I can hardly see through the rain down to her window ledge. She is still awake.

Suddenly, a low growl ripples through the air, and I am thrown backwards against the shingles; something heavy pinning me to the roof. Two dark brown eyes come into focus as my head clears from the fall. A second later a face is visible; high cheekbones, broad eyebrows, and bobbed black hair; the dog.

"Hello Paul," I manage to growl.

He glares down at me, crushing my throat in one of his hands. His nose twitches. "What are you doing here, leech?" I can tell how hard it is for him to keep his voice low, though the whisper holds all the hate contained in a legacy of werewolves.

I smiled and choked out: "Star gazing."

His lip twitched, and he thrust my head back against the roof. His choke hold tightened on my throat. "Tell me what you are doing spying on Bella. Tell me. The truth! Or I'll just rip your head off right here."

I could see it in his eyes that he meant it, and I said again. "Star gazing."

His next growl was louder, and he threw me off the roof; landing on top of me and pinning me to the ground next to her house. Blood vessels were popping out along his neck from the strength he used to push me into the earth. Little did he know that I wouldn't have moved from that spot; I could see Bella.

His voice was harsh and ragged; half a growl, as he repeated. "Tell me."

I struggled to sit up but his hand kept me pinned to the ground. "Star gazing." I said again.

I could tell he was about to lose it, when I saw her eyes flicker in our direction. And even though I knew she couldn't see us, it made my stomach flutter to meet her gaze. The words flowed out of me before I could stop them.

"She's so beautiful," I muttered, " Like a star." My eyes shifted from her to Paul. "Isn't she that to you? A star? Shining brilliantly even in the darkness of circumstance. Glowing, shimmering, sparkling, even when chance deals her bad cards." I closed my eyes, remembering all the good times; the happiest times of my life.

They all came in a flood. There were the first ones, the blurriest ones: the first time I saw her in the cafeteria; the day in biology; in the office. Then, brighter ones, happier ones: holding her close to me, safe, between two cars; walking beside her in the rain; stroking my cheek along her face beside the gym. Then, the vibrant ones, the ones flooding with emotion and color: the day in the meadow, her hand stroking my arm, her eyes glimmering with trust; holding her in my arms that night; the day I left, kissing her forehead, memorizing every detail of her face; seeing her in Italy, holding her close to me, protecting her, cradling her in my arms; proposing to her, having her except me; seeing her face every morning and every night; our lips meeting.

I suddenly realized that Paul was standing, staring down at me fearfully, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. My chest was heaving with adrenaline, my eyes half closed.

"She's my star, too." He whispered, "She's all I have; she's everything." His eyes flickering with a strange light, he glanced back up at Bella. "Stay away from her." He turned his soulful eyes on me again. "You don't deserve her; she doesn't love you anymore."

With that he turned and strode up to her window, calling up to her before leaping in through the window. He cradled her face in his hands; gently, softly. Their eyes met, and their faces grew closer. She smiled, brushing her lips on his.

I ran.

_You're my shooting star._


	13. Chapter 12: The Calm Before The Storm

hey guys! sorry for being a slacker...but i've been having a really tough time these past few months and my computer died so i just got him back (yes, i named my computer Steve). so, here's the next chapter...i promise from now on i will try to update at least once a week, maybe more, and have more action. the next chapter is when everything starts to come together...so just be patient....

isabellthelooser

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**The Calm Before The Storm**

_~Isabella Swan~_

Two months. Two whole, painful, strange, wondrous months spent healing. Now I'm finally free.

Paul held me close to him as we made our way out of the hospital after having my casts removed. Though I could easily walk, he insisted on helping me, and even opening my car door for me.

"So," he said when we're both settled in his car, "What would you like to do today?"

I smiled and shrugged, "Anything. As long as I'm with you and it involves either walking or using some amount of energy."

He laughed and started the car. "Alright, I think I have an idea." He pulled slowly out of the hospital parking lot and onto main street, then he took my hand.

We didn't really talk much as we drive, and neither of us seemed to mind. Electricity was surging through the place where his hand touched mine. Every so often he raised his hand and brushed my cheek, or my neck, or stroked his fingers down my arm, and every time he left a burning, tingling trail across my skin.

Watching him; smiling, laughing, it was hard to believe I ever didn't like him. It was hard to believe that I ever lived without him, that I ever felt alone. It's strange how, when you least expect it, this feeling washes over you. So soft at first, that you don't even notice it, and then it grows; always delicate and soft, but there, burning brighter and brighter.

I cannot remember a time when I didn't love Paul Freeman, nor a time when I didn't crave his company. When I'm away from him it's like I'm freezing, and when I'm with him I can finally get warm. I'm home.

It's amazing how strange and wonderful love is, especially when you experience it for yourself.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I don't know," I mumbled into his chest. "Nothing really, just enjoying life's simple pleasures."

He looked down at me, his hair slicked back by the wind. "What kind of simple pleasures?"

I cuddled closer to him and he wrapped his arms around me. "Like being with you, and being in such a wonderful, beautiful place, and…being with you."

He laughed, "You said that already."

"That's because it's true, and because it's the greatest one."

He was silent for a moment, gazing out at the rolling waves of Push Beach. This was his idea: to spend the day at the beach.

"Is that really true?" he asked. "Do you really enjoy being with me?"

I looked up at him, but he was looking away. "Yes."

Finally he looked at me, "Do you…do you…like me, Bella?"

"Yes," I answered. I sat up from laying on his chest, and saw the fear in his eyes.

"Do you…really like me? I mean…would you like me if I were different…or strange?"

"Of course, after what you've done for me…" I shook my head, "Paul, what is it? You can tell me."

He looked away again, to the crashing waves, and sighed. "I…I…I want to be honest with you, Bella…"

"What is it?"

"What if I was…I'm…" another sigh. "I'm a--"

"Hey guys!"

I turned toward the voice, and instantly recognized the bobbing black hair. "Oh, hi Jacob!" I waved him over. "How are you? I haven't seen you in a while."

"I'm good, and I can see you guys are doing better." He flopped down beside me and nodded at our close proximity. "And the cast is off." He smiled, "How's it feel to be free, Bells?"

I laughed and rolled on my side to face him, "Pretty nice, though Paul won't let me do _anything_ for myself." I rolled my eyes, but smiled back at him to show that I was joking around. He wasn't looking. I turned back to Jacob. "So how's Billy and everyone? Everything going okay?"

"Yeah," he shrugged, "Nothing new. School's out finally. Freedom!"

I nodded, "Paul told me."

"Oh, yeah, right." His eyes lit up with mischief, "How's **that** going?"

"How's what going?"

"You know…the whole, luvy-duvy stuff. You guys being safe and using protection and stuff?"

I felt my face flush and slapped him with my free hand, the other was holding Paul's. "Jacob!"

He jumped, "What?! I was just curious!"

"Ugh!" I exclaimed, "You are so immature."

"At least I admit it. And anyways, don't let immaturity get the better of you. It leads to STDs, and pregnancy and bankruptcy!" He wagged his finger at me, making me laugh.

"You're so funny, Jake."

"What can I say," he muttered sarcastically, "I'm a joke cracking genius!"

Paul interrupted my laughter. "Hey, Bella, I'm gonna head home, alright." He started to get up.

"What? But we just got here!"

He smiled and brushed a stray hair behind my ear. "I know, but I'm starting to feel sick, and I can tell you guys want to catch up. Jacob can take you home."

"Are you alright?" I asked, "Do you want me to drive you home, or something?" I sat up straighter, appraising him. He did look a little pale.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I'm fine. I'm sure it's just the sea air or something. I'll be fine once I get some sleep." He jumped to his feet, "Listen, I'll see you tomorrow, and I promise that I'll let you walk by yourself, okay?"

"Okay!" I agreed.

"Alright, see you tomorrow. Jake, I'll see you later tonight." He gave Jacob a knowing look and jogged up the beach in the direction of his car.

I watched him go until he was out of sight, then turned back to Jacob. "Okay, that was weird. Paul's never sick."

Jacob shrugged, "He's probably fine. Probably just needed some time alone, you know."

"Yeah, I guess. But he was gonna tell me something…hmm…" I gazed off in the direction in which he'd fled. "Something about being truthful."

I felt Jacob's gaze on my face, "Maybe he was jealous."

"Jealous? Paul? No."

"Come on, Bella," he persisted, "You're a very attractive girl. Any guy would thank his lucky stars to talk to you. Now Mr. Paul here has gotten himself front row seats, and doesn't like it when he has to fight for that position."

"Fight?"

Suddenly Jacob's face looked a little redder than it had before. "I like you too, Bella. A lot, actually."

"Is that why you stayed with me, Jake, in the hospital?"

He nodded, "Before you got in the…accident, I liked you. I still like you."

"Hang on, if you liked me so much, then…was I your girlfriend?"

Anger flared in his eyes, "No."

I cocked my head, "Why not? Did I have a grudge against you or something?"

He shook his head, "No…you were…well…" he glanced up at me, and the anger was replaced by guilt. "Well…I was too much of a coward to let you know, and well…now I've overcome it…"

I smiled, "Well that's one good thing that came out of this whole memory loss thing…you overcame your cowardice!"

He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "Yeah…"

It was late when Jacob finally drove me home, and Charlie was pacing in the kitchen waiting for me. I could tell he was about to demand to know where I'd been, and then Jacob walked in behind me and his mouth clamped shut.

"Hi, Jake! How are you both?"

"We're good, thanks. I just came by to drop Bella off; we were on the beach."

"Oh, you two have fun?"

"Yep," I answered.

"So, you guys hungry? I saved some lasagna."

Jacob shook his head, "No, I told Billy I'd be home for dinner. See you later though."

"Alright, bye Jacob, and tell Billy 'hi', too."

"Will do," he smiled, "Bye Bells."

"Bye Jake."

Charlie waited until the door closed behind him before asking where Paul was. I told him that he'd taken off after the hospital, and that I'd spent the day with Jacob, which was mostly true, and that I was really tired and wasn't hungry, which was also true.

Paul was already in my room by the time I got there.

"Hey," he whispered, crossing the room and wrapping his arms around me. "Sorry I skipped out on you this afternoon, but I think the sleep got rid of whatever I was catching."

I smiled and buried my face in his jacket. He was the only one of the La Push boys that I knew of that ever wore a jacket. It smelled like the beach. "I'm glad you're feeling better." I whispered, "I was starting to worry."

He chuckled into my hair, "No need. Now it's you I'm worried about."

"What do you mean?"

He bent his face to my level and looked into my eyes. "You told Charlie you were tired, you should get some sleep."

I sighed; sleep was so boring. "I'm fine really."

He shook his head at me. "You're fine? You mean these dark bags under your eyes are just for decoration?" He rolled his eyes jokingly. "Come on, Bella. We can spend all day together tomorrow, but I won't take you if you're tired."

I could tell he was serious, so I let him lead me to the bed. "Fine. But at least tell me this: where are we going tomorrow."

He smiled, "Not a chance. It's a secret place of mine, and I go there a lot."

"What's it like?" I asked him, climbing under the covers.

"It's beautiful," he whispered, tucking me in. "Almost as beautiful as you."

I struggled to hold back a blush, "It can't be as amazing as you say it is then."

He sighed, "If only you could see yourself…how amazing you are…" he shook his head. "You're so incredible, Bella."

"I know," I muttered sarcastically, "I'm an amazingly incredible disaster waiting to happen!"

He laughed along with me, and then we both sat in silence for a while.

"Are you asleep?" he asked suddenly.

I sighed and curled my toes, rubbing my hands down my thighs to warm them. "No. It's too cold."

I felt his hand on my forehead, "You are a little cold…"

I leaned my head into his hand, sighing as the warmth flooded through me. "Why are you always so warm?" I asked him, "Like a heater."

He laughed, "Why are you always so cold?"

I shivered, "I don't know…maybe that's why we're together, like there's some magnetic power between us…"

"I don't know about any magnetic powers," he said, "But I can't let you freeze to death. Move over."

My whole body turned rigid, "What?"

He sighed and shoved me gently aside, "Come on, Bella. Make some room." He crammed himself onto the bed next to me and pulled the blanket around both of us. He wrapped his arms around me, and then I couldn't make myself pull away.

"Ahh…" I sighed, curling closer to him. "That feels nice." But it was also conjuring a memory: a flood of senses telling me that I had done something similar before.

A tent, shaking, quivering in the wind. Cold, freezing. A soft, methodical voice whispering to me as I shake and quiver with the tent, wrapped in a sleeping bag. Then a flood of warmth as a too large body is crammed into the sleeping bag with me. Warm arms encircling me, a soft voice telling me to sleep.

"Are you feeling better?"

I curl even closer, begging for warmth. "Yes, thank you."

"Are you ready to sleep? Or do you want to talk?"

I sighed, "I'm tired…"

"Sleep then. Do you want me to leave?"

"No." Am I too quick in answering?

He laughs and strokes my hair. "Sleep now, Bella," is the last thing I hear.

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the plot thickens...what will happen tomorrow? dun dun dun!!!

until next time -- Isabell the Looser --


	14. Chapter 13: Monster

finally, finally, FINALLY!!!! i have gotten what's in my head down on paper....even though it's not exactly right...at least you can grasp what i'm trying to portray. this chapter switches, sadly, between Paul and Bella's POV...first Paul, then Bella. sorry for the change, but i couldn't write this any other way except to make it two seperate chapters, and that's just annoying!

so here it is: Monster.

enjoy, and then please, please, please review! i'm drowning here guys...i'll try to update soon. the four lines at the end are from Robert Frost's poem "Stopping By The Woods On A Snowy Evening".

-Isabellthelooser

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**Monster**

_~Paul and Isabella~_

We left early in the morning - early for me anyway; Bella was well rested and riling to go. The truth was I couldn't sleep when I was with her; I couldn't sleep with her in my arms. She'd looked so peaceful, so happy there, and I couldn't bring myself to close my eyes and miss one second of it. Something told me I could lose her at any moment.

"Are you sure you can't tell me where we're going?" she asked for the thousandth time as we drove down main street.

I smiled but kept my eyes on the road. "Yep."

I felt her gaze on my face, and saw her lean closer out of the corner of my eye. "Please?" she touched my face lightly, "Please tell me?"

"No."

"Fine," she flopped back in her seat, pouting. "But it had better be easy terrain; I'm still not used to my crutches."

It was true. On the way out of the house she'd caught a crutch on the door and tripped and almost face planted. If she could barely make it out the door without killing herself, then maybe this wasn't such a good idea…but I really wanted to share this with her. When my mother had taken me there the first time, she'd said to only share it with the person I loved; that was Bella.

"It'll be fine," I reassured her, "I'll help you."

"Ow!" Bella complained for the fifth time.

I turned back to find her balanced precariously on her crutches; half way over a fallen tree, her leg twisted out behind her. I sighed and hurried back to her, shaking my head. She was strangely good at getting into precarious positions; first her jeans caught on a bramble bush, then she climbed into a tree and got stuck, and now here she was stuck again.

I laughed and lifted her up by her arms, setting her back on her feet. "Are you sure you don't want me to carry you?"

She glared at me, pulled her crutches under her arms, and hopped off, heading the completely wrong direction. Still laughing, I caught her around the waist.

"Come on, Bells, you have to admit it was funny." I leaned in and kissed her hair.

She sighed, "I'm not mad about that."

"What are you mad about then?"

I felt her shoulders slump against me, and she leaned heavily on her crutches. "My leg hurts…it's irritating."

I swooped around her, grabbing her shoulders. "Why didn't you tell me? We could have stopped! I thought you were okay!"

She sighed again and smiled softly, touching my cheek. "I didn't want to slow you down. I know how important this is to you, and I don't want to ruin it with my slowness." She looked at her feet, "I always seem to ruin things…and it seems to always lead to my slowness or stupidity."

I lifted her chin with one finger, stroking her cheek. "Nothing is more important to me than you, you know that right?"

"Yes."

"And that means that even if it may annoy me or make me angry, I need you to tell me these things so I can help, okay?"

She nodded, "Okay."

"Alright. So, Bella, do you need to stop and rest?"

"Yes, just for a minute."

I led her over to a tree and settled her at the base, amongst the roots. She sighed the moment the weight left her leg, and stretched it out in front of her. I leaned against another tree and crossed my arms, frowning.

"What?" she asked, frowning back.

"I'm annoyed with myself for not having noticed sooner that you were ready to pass out any second."

She raised her eyebrows, "That's all?"

"Yep."

We sat in silence for minute, watching the sun slowly rise above the tree tops; barely visible through the dense canopy of conifer branches, and regaining our stamina. A few minutes passed and then Bella was up on her crutches, heading off again.

"I feel like I've been here before," she said after a while, gazing around her. "It's familiar…but I can't remember…"

I pulled her closer to me, kissing the top of her head. "You'll remember. You remember what the doctor said: when you see or hear something familiar you'll remember."

She leaned against my side, letting me take her weight for a moment. "You really believe that?"

"Don't you?"

She shrugged, "I guess…but sometimes…it just seems so impossible…sometimes it seems so hopeless…like all I'll ever know is that I **don't** know."

"Don't worry," I told her, hugging her tighter, "You **will** remember. If I have to hunt down every person you once knew, or build a time machine, record every word said to you and play it back to you, I will."

"You love me that much?"

I kissed her head again, "I love you that much."

It was almost noon by the time we reached my mother's secret spot - now ours - but we were happy. I could see the trees thinning out, giving way to an oval clearing bathed in sunlight. Bella picked up pace just as I did, and I could feel the familiar excitement welling up in me at the sight of the meadow.

We were nearing the break in the trees when I sensed someone else's presence. I stopped, and drew in a long breathe… The smell, so potant, burned as it went swept up my nostrils. My eyes followed the now obvious trail to where he sat, smack in the center of _my_ meadow.

I realized in that instant that Bella had continued forward while I scented the air, and I now called out to her. "Bella, wait…" But I was too late.

Entranced by the meadow's brilliance, Bella stepped forward into the sunlight.

"Bella!"

My cry rang out, unnaturally loud in the surreal clearing, and pierced the majestic silence like a needle to a balloon. I threw myself forward, careening through the wall of branches, and wrapping myself around Bella. All I could think was: why now, why now, why now.

"What the--Paul?" I felt more than heard the words Bella spoke against my chest. "Paul, are you alright?"

I realized I was shaking - not from fear, but from anger. How dare he come here, now, and try to steal her back?

I whipped my head around to where I could sense his presence, to see him getting slowly to his feet. The sun turned his exposed skin to diamonds; his caramel hair to gold. Edward Cullen.

"Bella?" I heard him ask softly. I ignored him, turning away from him - against my instincts - to Bella.

"Bella," I whispered, "Are you okay?"

She nodded, "Yeah. What going on?"

"Nothing," I lied, "But I need you to go back, okay? Can you do that? Back to the car?" I was shaking again, and I tried to calm myself. I could worry about the leech once Bella was away and safe.

"I guess so…but why? Paul, what's going on? We just got here, why do we have to go back?"

I sighed, "I know, and I'm sorry Bella. I'll explain everything later, but right now I need you to go back the way we came and not look back."

She shook her head, "I don't understand…please, Paul…please…I don't understand…"

"I pulled her against my chest, kissing her forehead. "I know, and I'm sorry. But I need you to do this for me…please."

"Alright."

"Okay," I sighed, turning her around to face the trees. "Now I need you to walk as straight as you can in this direction. And I need you not to look back, not even to see if I'm following…alright?"

She nodded again, her shoulders shaking, "Okay."

"Alright," I kissed her cheek, "I love you."

"Love you too," she mumbled, and hopped slowly back to the safety of the forest.

I waited until she was in the trees before turning back to the vampire. Letting the trembles running up my back lengthen, I growled: "All right, let's do this."

_(Bella POV)_

I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know which way to go, or if I was just walking in a giant circle. I didn't understand what was going on, or why I had to walk all the way back the way I'd come. Everything was confusion.

Paul's words resounded through my head like a silent temptation. _Don't look back, don't look back, don't look back…_ Why is it that whenever someone asks you not to do something, you just have to do it. Like when you see a Wet Paint sign, you just have to touch it…just to make sure.

I just had to…

When I turned back, it seemed like I've entered some other universe; some other planet. I turned just in time to see Paul hunch over, fingers curving into claws; a scream ripping from inside him.

"Paul!" I screamed.

The back of his shirt ripped, along with the bottoms of his jeans. Fur exploded along his back, his arms, his legs, his face snapping and lengthening into a snout. The scream turned into a low, rumbling growl as he threw himself forward.

A man stood before him, or at least it looked like man. His skin glimmered like a thousand diamonds were inlaid in his skin, his face disfigured by a snarl; gums pulled back to show vicious fangs. I couldn't make out anything else, though, before the two clashed and the air exploded like thunder crashing overhead

"Paul!" I screamed again, and this time he heard me.

The humongous wolf turned to me, silver fur shining in the light, and I could almost see the fear in it's eyes. It threw back its head in another low howl, and then took a huge step toward me.

Tears streaming down my face, I turned and ran. The crutches fell to the ground, useless, and I stumbled forward, ignoring the pain in my leg, and ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction.

Monster, monster, monster. My mind screamed. Paul, Paul, Paul. Monster, monster, monster.

I could hear the wolf behind me, crashing through the undergrowth, and I knew I couldn't outrun it. Something in me told me not to be afraid; told me to turn around and face it. The other, rational parts of me told me to run like Hell. I ran.

"Bella, wait!" It was Paul's voice - my Paul - and I almost stopped, but then I thought of the wolf and I kept going. "Bella, please!"

My leg throbbed and I nearly tripped over a stump. I couldn't last much longer. "Leave me alone!" I screamed back. I turned my head slightly to see Paul racing behind me; back to normal except his partially shredded clothes.

I immediately regretted it when my foot caught on a tree root and I toppled face first into the ground. I caught myself on my hands and knees. Pain shot through my right knee like fire, and I fell against the ground, letting out an earsplitting scream.

He was there in an instant, crouched beside me, trying to comfort me. "Bella, are you alright? Bella, can you hear me?"

Though I could barely breathe, and I was in utter agony, I still tried to get away. My left leg scrambled uselessly in the dirt, trying to push myself up, but I couldn't find any hold amongst the foilage and I sank back on my stomach. "Please," I hissed through my teeth. "Please, just leave me alone."

"Bella, you need help. I'm sorry." He tried to help me up, but I pulled away, scrambling backward away from him.

"Stay away from me!" Tears welled up and spilled over, but I barely noticed them. Pain was all over; everything. "Don't touch me!"

"Bella, please." He crawled after me, tears of his own starting to slide down his dirt stained cheeks. "Please, I'm not going to hurt you. Please, please."

"Get away from me! Don't touch me!" My back hit the tree truck. I couldn't run any further.

He reached out and touched my leg. "Please, Bella, just listen. Please. I can explain. I didn't mean for you to see that." His hand continued up my leg to my knee. The pressure made me scream again.

I scrambled back feebly, tears flooding down my cheeks. "Monster!" And that was all I could take. After all of the emotional pain of having lost everything - my memory, my life -, after all the old aches and pains, and now these new ones; after the pain of finding out my Paul was a monster…I finally reached my limit and broke down.

Paul caught me as I folded in on myself, and pulled me against his chest, and then I couldn't make myself pull away. I clung to his arm, and let my body throb as sob after sob racked through my chest.

He stroked my hair. "I'm sorry, Bella. So, so, so sorry. I should've told you, I know I should have…but I didn't want it to hurt you or scare you. I didn't want to hurt _me_. " He sighed, "I guess I ended up doing that anyways…"

I don't know how long I cried, but by the time I was done, I could feel my knee starting to throb again. I sat up, and he let me, and I touched my knee. It was inflamed and puffy. Great.

"Are you alright?"

I looked over to see Paul standing again, his eyes sad, hands jammed deep into his pockets. I nodded, then winced. "My knee…"

He immediately bent over my leg, and gently took it in his warm hands, and rotated it slowly. I winced again, and he laid it back down. "I think you sprained it, or at least pulled a ligament. I can't be sure, but we should get you to the hospital."

He ripped the bottom of his shirt off, and wrapped it tight around my knee. "There, that should keep it from swelling too bad, but it still needs proper care."

I glanced up at him, and he paused, his eyes fearful.

"I'm sorry I didn't explain, Bella. It was stupid of me. But if you'll let me, I'll tell you everything." He lowered his gaze, "I'll understand if you don't want to be with anymore, that's for you to decide, but at least hear me out."

I nodded again, and he bent and lifted me into his arms, careful not to jostle my leg. He carried me slowly and carefully, always going on the clearest path so as not to bump my leg or hurt me.

It was a long time before I had the courage to speak up, and then it was only two words. "Thank you."

I didn't end up needing a cast or brace for my leg, though I did have to stay in bed for a couple of days to rest my knee, which I didn't mind. I'd had enough adventure for a while. And Paul was with me the entire time; a silent witness, a comfort in the dark and pain.

He told me everything, every little detail. He was a werewolf, as were Jacob and most of the other Quilette boys. They could change back and forth at will, and were peaceful except for around vampires. There was an ancient war going on between them that was only placated by a treaty that had been made with a group of the vampires living in Forks: the Cullens. These vampires swore that they were _vegetarians_ - or vampires who didn't drink human blood. One of the Cullen's had been in the forest that day, and Paul had sent me away to protect me.

Paul also told me about the werewolf imprint. A strange concept to understand, but still interesting. Once one of the werewolves saw the girl (or guy) they were meant to be with, they imprinted. Something in them made it so they had to be with this one person; they were a perfect match for each other. Paul had imprinted on me.

It took almost an entire day to relay to me all the facts, and to even share some old stories that helped explain better the aspect of werewolves and vampires. Then he went home, and left me with a decision.

I knew in my heart what my answer would be before he showed up the next morning to ask for it, but still, I contemplated. I couldn't argue with myself though. I loved Paul Freeman, no matter what - even if he was a werewolf.

And I would always love him.

_The trees are lovely dark and deep, _

_But I have promises to keep, _

_And miles to go before I sleep…_

_And miles to go before I sleep…_please, please, please, please review!

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thank you to all of you who have stuck by me this far.

-Isabellthelooser


	15. Chapter 14: Yin And Yang

hello, peeps! yet another chapter. we're nearing the climax; the main problem. pretty sure that things will start happening next chap...so just hold on until then! this one's from Bella's POV!

-isabellthelooser

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**Yin And Yang**

_~Isabella Swan~_

It's strange how fast things can happen, especially when you're not paying attention. One minute you're an average girl riding a motorcycle, the next you're lying in a hospital with a broken leg and no memory of anything. Then you meet a guy, and fall into unexpected love, and then…you find out he's secretly a werewolf?

Paul laughed when I told him that one, though he still seemed edgy around me. He hardly ever hugs me anymore, or kisses me, for that matter; he just sits there, slightly sullen, holding my hand loosely in his, staring at the sky. Which is what he's doing at this very moment.

After our incident in the forest and once my knee had healed, Paul took me down to La Push beach for a "picnic". He reassured me it was just because of the unusual sunny weather (it was mildly cloudy), but I could tell he felt bad for having ruined our date.

We ate ham sandwiches and apples, once again the strange void area between us, and then we headed down the beach. Paul, of course, didn't leave my side, though he only held my hand and occasionally helped me along. An awkward silence fell between us, and I desperately wanted to break; to say something that would put him at ease, but I had nothing.

The sun was reaching its peak in the sky when we entered the forest. I flopped onto the first log I could find, not minding if it was damp or not. My breathe came in short gasps. Paul surveyed me, folding his arms across his chest and leaning back against a tree.

"You alright?"

I nodded, letting out a throaty cough that hurt the back of my throat. He started forward but I waved him away. "Just winded," I told him.

He sighed, "I always push you too hard. Why don't you just say you need a break, Bella?"

I shrugged. "Like I said, I don't like to drag you down." He rolled his eyes at me, but I interrupted him before he could get on my case. "Look, can we just not?"

His mouth slowly closed. "Okay."

Sighing, I stood, grabbed his hand and pulled him down beside me on the log. I didn't look up at him as I lay his hand palm up in my lap and began to trace the lines and crevices in his skin, working up to the veins in his wrist.

He let out a gust of air but stayed silent.

I took a deep breathe and then let it out, preparing myself. "Look, Paul, I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I need to get it out. I can't stand feeling like this." I waited, and when he didn't say anything I continued. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm not afraid of you. I know you won't hurt me. And that I love you."

There was an eerie silence as the words hung like dust particles in the air between us, and then he sighed. "I know that, Bella."

"Then why do you keep doing this? Staying away from me, avoiding me, keeping this…space between us?!" I glanced up at him but he was looking away into the trees.

"I don't know if I can control myself…" he whispered. "I don't know if I'm strong enough not to hurt you, or scare you." He sighed again, "I don't want to do those things…it scares me to know that I can…"

I wrapped my arms around his, pulling myself against him. It felt weird, being this close to him after having the void there for so long, but also good. "You don't need to be afraid. You won't hurt me."

"How do you know that? How can you say that after seeing me in the forest before? Don't you know that I'm a --"

"Stop." I pressed my finger against his lips, leaning in closer to him. "I know what you are, okay? I know that you're a supposed werewolf; half wolf half man. A 'monster'. But I also know that you're a good person. I know that you're kind to me, that you love me, and that I want to be with you, and when I'm not it's like life has no meaning. Doesn't that count?"

His lips touched my hair. "You make me sound like the king of all saints. And I'm flattered you think so much of me, Bella, but I've killed people before. It could happen again."

"I've killed people, too," I mumbled, "At least **I** think I must have. Why else would I have repressed all those memories." I snuggled deeper into his arms. "Maybe I was a serial killer."

It worked, he laughed. "You're silly."

"You make me sound like the king of all comedians," I told him.

"King?"

"Yes, king."

I waited, but he didn't say anything more, just sat there looking out at the beach, still visible through the trees. Finally he turned to me and smiled, his eyes content and appeased. "Thank you, Bella."

I smiled back, "That's what I'm here for."

After that there was no more space between us, no empty void or awkward silence. In fact, we were hardly ever apart for the hours that followed that discussion. He was happy, appeased and ready to make for lost time and trek for hours through the forest in search of "A New Spot", and I was pleased that I had helped him and more than willing to go anywhere that was by his side. But I also knew it couldn't last: the happiness.

As everyone knows, to have good you have to have bad. Without one there can't be the other. And so, the clouds covered the sky and rain began to fall.


	16. Chapter 15: Rain of Change

hey guys, just another chapter i finally completed! it's actually moderately long! about 14 or 15 pages.

you yeah...enjoy...sorry about the cliffy at the end. next chap will be up soon.

-isabellthelooser

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**Rain of Change**

_~Isabella Swan~_

After that there was no more space between us, no empty void or awkward silence. In fact, we were hardly ever apart for the hours that followed that discussion. He was happy, appeased and ready to make for lost time and trek for hours through the forest in search of "A New Spot", and I was pleased that I had helped him and more than willing to go anywhere that was by his side. But I also knew it couldn't last: the happiness.

As everyone knows, to have good you have to have bad. Without one there can't be the other. And so, the clouds covered the sky and rain began to fall.

"Crap!" I exclaimed, shying away from the cold droplets pelting from the sky. "I thought it was supposed to be _sunny_!"

Paul laughed and looked up at the sky, too, smiling. "Maybe it's an omen or something."

"An omen?" I seriously doubted this horrid weather had anything to do with anything else except possibly irony. We'd been having such a good time.

"Yeah, like starting a new; fresh. Like us." He raised his face and lets the rain run across his face and down his neck, through his hair. "It feels so good…"

I folded my arms across my chest. "It feels wet and cold. I hate it."

He laughed again and pulled me against his side with one arm, face still pointed upward. "Come on, Bells, try it. It feels so good!"

"It looks wet."

He shook me, "Come on. You can kiss a werewolf, but not stand in the rain? Where's my brave Bella?"

That got me. "Fine," I mumbled, and looked up. At first I cringed from the droplets, but after a few minutes they just weren't there anymore, and all I could feel was the cool, pleasant streams running across my face. "Okay, so maybe this isn't so bad." I muttered, but then it really started coming down.

Paul pulled me under a tree quickly, laughing again. "You spoke too soon, my love. Looks like we're gonna have to run for it!" He peered up through the branches, pulling his head back quickly.

"Yay, running." I muttered sarcastically, wrapping my arms around myself. "At least it'll warm me up." My teeth started chattering.

Paul turned to me and appraised me, a smile sliding across his face. "You think I would make you run all the way back? Honestly, Bella, sometimes you make me feel like a Neanderthal!" He stripped off his semi-damp jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders.

I shoved my arms deep in the sleeves, glad for once that they were too long so I could curl my fingers inside. I was warmer instantly, but the wind still froze my exposed face. I pulled my head in as far as I could, feeling like a turtle. "Can we go then?"

Smiling, Paul nodded and quite suddenly yanked me up into his arms. The movement startled me, along with the tenderness of his arms, and especially the way he crushed me to him, like I was something precious.

"You ready?" he asked, gazing up at the sky again.

"For what?" I asked, curling deeper into his arms.

He grinned down at me, showing all his perfect teeth. "To see the way I travel," he said, but before I could answer, he was already running; flying through the forest. It was breathtaking.

"This is amazing!" I exclaimed, glancing down to see the forest floor a blur beneath his rapidly moving legs. The wind and rain buffeted me, but I didn't care. I was flying!

"You like it then?" he asked.

"Yes!" I told him. "It feels like flying!"

He laughed, pulling me closer. "It must feel like that to you," he whispered, almost to himself. Then he said louder, "Most of us like it. It makes us feel free."

After that we didn't really talk much, since the wind made it hard to hear and the rain, even through his jacket, mine, and the warmth flowing from him into me, still made me shiver and my teeth chatter.

It wasn't until we came out into the open that I finally realized that we weren't headed for his car. He must have felt my shock, but he didn't pause until we were inside his house that he finally spoke.

"I figured it would be faster if we just came here, instead of going to the car," he said.

"But what about your car?" I asked, overreacted, like always. "What if it gets stolen?"

He laughed, "Silly, Bella, the car will be fine. This is a reservation, remember, we don't steal from each other like people in big cities. The car will be fine until morning." He hesitated at my expression. "Unless you want to go home. 'Cause I'd understand if you didn't want to stay here with me by yourself."

Even though this felt awkward, and I desperately wanted to beg to be taken home, I didn't. "This is fine." I told him, swallowing back the panic threatening to choke me as he led me up the stairs to his room.

He pushed open the door without a word, then let me pass in front of him into the room. It was bigger than I expected, with a big bed in the left corner, a computer, desk, bookshelves upon bookshelves, and even a bathroom.

"Wow," I muttered. "You make me feel like a poor person."

He laughed but it sounded forced, "It was my parent's old room. All the other rooms we kind of…empty seeming when I finally came back after the accident, so I moved in here. Most of the other rooms are full of boxes now…so…" he cleared his throat, "…we'll have to both stay in here…if that's okay."

I tried to push away the awkwardness and put some effort into making my voice sound nonchalant. "It's fine," I said again.

Paul nodded, half-smiled, and moved around me to the dresser on the other side of the room. "Um…you'll want to get out of those wet clothes…so…here." He pulled a pair of sweats and one of his shirts out of the drawer and handed them to me.

I took them gingerly. "Thanks."

"Oh, and you can take a shower if you want. It's just through there."

I nodded again, and smiled at him before walking to the door he'd indicated and closing it behind me. Once inside I let out a sigh and turned to look at myself in the mirror. I was surprised by how calm my face looked, so smooth. "What are you doing?" I asked my reflection, before walking over to the shower. It didn't answer, and I figured I never would understand why I was here.

Stepping out of the shower, wrapped in a towel, I couldn't help but notice how my expression had changed. It was now worried, with hectic spots of red running along my jaw. Not good.

I tried some soothing breathing activities, but it didn't seem to have any obvious effect on me, so I got dressed. The pants were too long so I had to roll them up about four times, and the shirt was baggy on me, but I decided it didn't matter. I stumbled out into his room again feeling nervous, silly, and most of all, wary.

He glanced up at me from across the room, a book in hand, and appraised me. "Nice."

I cringed inwardly and grimaced. "Um…yeah…thanks for the shower and clothes…"

He nodded, half smiled, put the book away, and brushed past me. "I think I'm going to take a shower, too. So help yourself to anything you want. There's magazines and books, food in the fridge, if you want some, and coffee, I think. Alright?"

I nodded again, dumbly, and stood frozen to the spot, glancing around me, as the water started in the other room. I looked around me, marveling at how clean the whole room was, and finally walked over to the book he'd set on the bookshelf. _Wuthering Heights_.

The fabric on the front looked worn and the corners frayed, and the binding was damaged beyond repair. Opening to the first page I found that the pages were frayed too, and dog-eared, but still distinguishable. I flipped to a random page with a deeply folded corner, and read the paragraph at the top.

_And there you see the distinction between our feelings: had be been in my place and I in his, though I hated him with a hatred that turned my life to gall, I never would have raised a hand against him. You may look incredulous, if you please! I never would have banished him from her society as long as she desired his. The moment her regard ceased, I would have torn his heart out, and drank his blood! But, till then - if you don't believe me, you don't know me - till then, I would have died by inches before I touched a single hair of his head!_

Paul's voice draws me from my stunned silence, though that one line still buzzes through my head. _I never would have banished him from her society as long as she desired his._ Why did it seem to make sense? Why did this whole paragraph sound so familiar?

"Bella?" His hand rested on my shoulder, jolting me back to reality.

"What?!"

His lips curved up at the corners, his eyes amused. "I said what are you reading?"

Silently, I handed the book to him, open to the page I had just read. "Why do I feel I've read this passage before?"

I watched his eyes slowly glide along the lines, and then met his gaze as his eyes flickered up to mine, some hidden emotion showing though I couldn't decipher it. "Maybe you enjoyed Wuthering Heights? You seem like a Heathcliff sort of person." He laughed lightly, replacing the book in its spot. Did I imagine the way he seemed to smooth out the dog-ear on that one page?

I shrugged, figuring I was just imagining everything because I was so tired. "So…what now?"

He straightened, his hair messy from the shower, and I realized he was still in jeans and a t-shirt. He followed my gaze down to his shirt, then laughed and shrugged. "Well, I've heard of this thing called sleep. I comes highly recommended, especially for people who hiked five miles in the rain today."

"Right," I muttered, "Sleep…so…yeah…" My mind whirrs annoyingly: _One bed, one bed, one bed…_

He nodded and motions at the bed. "It's all yours."

Following his gaze, I frowned. "Where are you going to sleep then?"

He shrugged, "I'm fine."

I appraised his expression for a moment, then shook my head. "No."

"No what?"

"I'm not taking your bed. I can sleep on the couch or something."

He smiled, "I'm fine really, Bella. You need the sleep more than me anyway."

"Yeah right!" I exclaim, pushing him toward the bed. "You're the one who hiked five miles and then carried me back those five miles, at a sprint!"

He sighed, capturing my arms in his steely grip. "Bella, you're being ridiculous. Just sleep on the bed, okay. It's fine, really."

I struggled against his grip. "No, I won't. _You're_ the one being ridiculous! I'll sleep on the couch! Now, stop being a stupid, over-protective, masochistic…._werewolf_, and sleep on the stinking bed!"

His eyes tightened, along with his hold on me. "You really shouldn't have said that, you know." And then we was dragging me across the room.

"No! Stop it!" I yelled, squirming desperately.

Sighing, he yanked up into his arms again - me kicking and flailing - and flopped me on the bed. "There," he growled, obviously thinking he'd one. "Now, stay."

The moment his back was turned I leapt from the bed and made a dash for the door. His arms caught me though, and once again I was on the bed. "Where do you think you're going?" he asked, a smile threatening to break out on his face.

"To the couch," I replied, launching myself off the bed again.

His arm caught me before I'd even touched the floor, and pushed me back down. This time he pinned me there, arms at sides. "Stay." he said again, authority thick in his voice. I pulled my head up, trying to move, but his leaned forward until I was forced to lay back down. He was practically on top of me. He sighed, "Bella, why are you being so…so…"

"Annoying?"

"Yes. Annoying."

I struggled feebly. "Because you're being annoying and ridiculous, too."

Once again, that sigh. "Bella, please just stay here. I know it's my bed, but that means I can give it to whomever I want, and I'm offering it to you."

"Offering?" Somehow that didn't seem like the right word.

"You know what I mean. And you're being really…hard to get…so can you please just stay here?"

I smiled, "Nope."

He sighed again - he was doing a lot of sighing lately - and closed his eyes. "Bella, please. Don't make me tie you down, because I will." His eyes opened and I could almost feel the ropes around my ankles and wrists.

I didn't answer, but I guess he could see in my eyes that I wasn't going anywhere, so he sat up.

"There," he said, "Isn't that much comfier than the couch?"

I sighed, "Yes, though I feel ridiculous."

A smile warmed his face. "You shouldn't, though I must say you do kind of look like a hobo in my clothes." The awkwardness seeped back as his eyes appraised me. I suddenly felt like a bug under a microscope.

I fidgeted, and I saw his hands reach out to stop me. Did he think I was going to run for it again? His hands fell back to his sides and he turned away from me. You're such an idiot Bella.

Slowly I wriggled under the covers, thankful for the warmth. I looked over, and he was at the door, turning the knob, a pillow under his arm.

"Goodnight, Bella," he mumbled.

"Goodnight," I responded, and then, before he left, I blurted out: "Paul?"

He half turned, "Yes?"

"Thank you."

He smiled, and it warmed me even more than the comforter. "Your welcome. Sleep well." And then the door closed behind him.

I dream that I'm on fire. People stand and stare and laugh all around me, as the flames engulf my body. I'm tied to a table, sticks and logs on all sides, all on fire, like me. It burns me, eating away my flesh, my face. The smoke chokes me, makes me cough and cry out. "Paul!"

I jolt awake, arms and legs flailing, but pinned to the bed. Fire is all around me, still. I can't breathe. Darkness surrounds me. "Paul!" I scream again, tears flooding down my cheeks.

A familiar voice pierces the night. "Bella, what's wrong?" His hands find my face in the darkness, brushing at the hot tears on my cheeks.

"I can't breathe!" I choke out. Panic builds inside me, and I try desperately to move away from the fire that is all over. Can't he see it? "I'm on fire!"

His hands disappear from my face, and I crane my neck to see his hands unwinding the comforter from around me. His arms blur as he unties me, finding the sheet around my neck and untwisting it. Then I'm in his arms, floating. And the tears are flooding down my cheeks.

I cling to him, burying my face in his shoulder, wanting nothing more but to forget the nightmare.

He strokes my hair, rubs my back, holds me against him, letting me stain his shirt. "Shh, shh…everything okay…everything's okay…you're safe now…you're safe…it was just a dream…just a dream…shh…you're fine…"

No matter how much I believe his words, I can't get the vision out of my head; the people watching at I burn alive before them, laughing. I can't make the tears stop. He gives up trying to calm me after a while, and just holds me in his arms, rocking us both back and forth slowly.

Finally the tears stop, and I'm able to breathe normally. My eyelids begin to droop, sleep descending on me once more. My whole body sags into him.

"Are you alright now?" he asks quietly.

"Yes," I sigh, content. "Thank you…"

"Do you want to sleep?"

"No…please don't let me…fall asleep…" Does my voice really sound that slurred?

He laughs quietly, rocking me. "You sound pretty tired."

"Please…" I mumble again, "Please…I don't…want…to…please…"

"Alright. No sleep it is." I feel him lift me, and then his legs moving. The door opens and the stairs creak beneath us. "Want some coffee? I find it helps to calm me down whenever I have a bad dream."

"Yes, please." My brain is starting to awaken, especially when he flicks on the light. He sets me gently in one of the wicker chairs at the table, and turns to the coffee maker. "So…you have bad dreams often?"

I hear him laugh. "Sort of. There are times when I have them none stop for weeks, and others when I don't have so much as a bad thought for months." He lifts two mugs from a cupboard and pours coffee into each. "Milk and sugar?"

"Um…yes please."

He set mine in front of me, and then sits across from me with his own. "I'd wait a minute. It's still pretty hot."

I nod. "So…what are your nightmares about? I mean…you don't have to tell me…but…"

He leans back in his chair, arms behind his head. "Mostly I just dream about the accident. You know, reliving it over and over. I see the crosswalk signal blinking red, the car spinning out of control, hear the screaming and glass popping…stuff like that…"

I look up at him, expecting to sadness, but his eyes are content, appeased once more. "I'm sorry," I whisper.

He shrugs. "I'm over it now, and sometimes it's nice to talk about it." He glances over at me, his eyes welcoming. "You can tell me about it, if you want. I won't make you."

I sniffle, wiping one last tear from my eye. "I don't really want to talk about it…"

He smiles softly, gently. "That's fine. We can talk about something else."

I smile, nod, and lower my gaze to the table, tracing the patterns in the wood. I hear him sigh, and his cup scratching across the table as he lifts it to his lips. I lift my own cup, not caring if it's hot, and take a long drag of it. It's so good that I take another couple swigs. Soon the cup is empty. I sigh again, glancing up at him across the table.

He's leaning forward now, his hands wrapped around his cup, his eyes staring unseeingly into the cup as it slowly rotates around in a circle.

"So…what should we talk about?" I ask.

He shrugs, not looking up. This unnerves me; did I do something wrong? I watch him for a minute, waging his expression, and then he yawns.

"I'm sorry!" I say, jumping up from my chair.

His eyes flicker up to mine, confused. "Sorry for what?"

"For keeping you up! God, I'm so selfish! Here I am; moping about and drinking coffee while you're here wanting to sleep! God! Ugh, I hate myself!"

Suddenly he's right there, towering over me, folding himself around me. "Bella, stop. I'm fine, I'm almost always tired."

"No, it's not okay! I'm such a horrible person! I--"

He covers my mouth with his palm, making it impossible to make a sound. "Stop it, Bella. You are not a horrible person. Remember what you said to me in the forest this afternoon? That's not what a horrible person does."

"Yes, I am--"

"No, you're not, Bella. You're cute, and funny, and beautiful. I know you're a good person; I know that you're nice to me, and I love being with you, and that when I'm not it's like the entire universe is out of alignment and I **have** to be with you."

I look up into his eyes and find only truth there, it makes my heart twinge to see that he has that kind of trust in me. "I'm not that amazing," I tell him. "I'm just normal. I'm just me."

He wraps his arms around my waist, resting his head on mine. "And that's why I love you. Because you're not perfect. Because you're you." And then, almost in an anticlimactic way, he yawns again, wider.

"Okay," I say quickly, pushing us both toward the stairs. "Time for sleep. Come on."

"Ugh, Bella--"

"Don't even," I warn him. "You had your moment of pushiness, and now it's mine. Now come on. Move your werewolf butt!" He sighs and lets me guide him upstairs to his bedroom. It is only when I push him down on the bed that he argues.

"Bella, this is ridiculous! You should be resting, not me."

"Fine," I smile and sit crosslegged on the floor by the bed, stretching out. "Now I'm resting, and so are you."

The look in his eyes is one of annoyance. "There's room for two," he says, and he grabs me by my arms and lifts me onto the bed beside him.

I struggle, mostly because I want to and because of the awkward vibes echoing around us. I've never been this close to a guy before on a bed.

He pushes me down on the bed, pinning me there, and smiles at me. "See, isn't this relaxing?" He laughs at his own lame joke.

I squirm under his arm, but he grabs me and pulls me back, flattening me to the bed with his body. I feel my face flush red. He is _so_ close. I can feel every breathe expanding his lungs, smell his shampoo, even see the individual eyelashes. I meet his gaze, and can't look away. Why does his gaze always do that - make my stomach seize and my body tingle?

"Paul," I whisper, my breath moving his hair.

He cocks his head to this side. "What?"

"I…" my voice trembles. Great. "I've always wondered what it would be like…"

"What what would be like?"

I sigh, looking away. "To love someone so much…and then…" Suddenly it sounds stupid. To want something like this… I shake my head. "Never mind. It's stupid.

"What?" he asks, curious. "What what would be like? Come on, you can tell me."

I bite my lip, contemplating. I want to tell him, to let him know how I feel…but how can I? He'll probably just laugh. "No. I--I--Just forget I said anything, alright?"

His hand catches my face, forcing me to look at him. "What is it, Bella?"

I squirm helplessly under his weight. _Oh, god,_ I think. _I'm going to throw up!_ I scramble against him, and he lifts himself up slightly. "Paul, let me up! You have to let me up!"

"Why? What's wrong? Bella?"

"Please," I gasp, desperate. I'm so embarrassed. "I'm going to throw up, Paul!" He moves away quickly, and I run to the bathroom. I slam and lock the door behind me.

"Bella?" I hear him knock. "Bella, are you okay?"

"No." I whisper back, sinking to the floor in a corner. "Leave me alone."

There's silence on the other side of the door and then he sighs. "You know I can't do that. Not when you're upset. Will you please come out?"

"No."

"Will you let me in then?"

"No."

"At least tell me what's wrong, Bella. Please. I know it's something about me…please?"

How can I deny that voice. Face flushed in embarrassment, I whisper: "I like you, Paul, a lot."

"I like you, too. But that's not what this is about, is it?"

He misses nothing. "Just…leave me alone, okay? Please?"

He sighs again. "Bella, I can't leave you if you're upset. Now, please, if you're not going to tell me what's wrong, at least come out so I can see that you're okay."

I sniffle, curling my knees to my chest. "I don't want you to laugh at me."

"I won't. Now please come out."

I shake my head even though he can't see me. "You will."

"I swear I won't, Bella," he reassures me. "I swear it."

I sigh, and stand up again, turning to look into the mirror. My hair is a big mess on the top of my head, cheeks red and puffy from crying, eyes bloodshot. How much worse can it get? I run my fingers through my hair, taming it slightly, then open the door a crack. Paul leans in on the other side; a gentle smile sliding across his lips.

I take a deep breathe. "I want to make love to you." There, it's out.

A look of shock covers his face for a long moment, but when I go to slam the door shut again, he sticks his hand in the crack so I can't. Again that gentle smile, kind eyes. "Come here, sweets." he says.

Tears spill down my cheeks, and I fall into his arms, burying my face in his chest. He strokes my hair softly, soothingly.

"That doesn't sound so bad to me," he murmurs into my hair, which makes me laugh.

I lean back and look up at him, not caring what my face looks like. He smiles at me and cups my face in his hand, stroking my cheek. "That's my girl," he says, wiping away a stray tear. "That's my Bella."

I smile at him, weak as it is, and he smiles back. Tentatively, I reach up and brush a lock of hair back from his eyes. Does he notice my hand shaking?

Breathing out in a gust, he leans forward and touches his lips to my neck once, twice, three times. His lips moved swiftly up to my jaw line then, brushing back and forth until my blood was pounding. Then he bent to kiss my shoulder, sighing.

"Paul," I whisper.

His lips move swiftly past my shoulder to my neck, where he brushes them along my collarbone and then to the hollow under my throat.

We stay like that for a seeming eternity; me rigid, soothed, cozy with him pressed against me; him, warm, perfect, softly pressing his lips again and again to my throat where I know he can feel my blood pounding.

And then I can't stand it any longer, and lean in to press my own lips to his cheek, the hollow under his ear, his hairline. He groans, and his hands are suddenly holding my face, his lips crushing mine.

Our lips move in perfect sync; his soft, warm, tasting all along mine. Neither of us seem to want to go up for air, though I finally break free for air when my blood is pounding. His lips slide to my throat, his hands to my shoulders.

I can hardly breathe. My hands move to the front of his shirt, undoing the buttons with trembling fingers. He doesn't stop me as my hands roam his muscular chest, exploring his biceps, his shoulder muscles, pushing his shirt away.

Our lips move back together, both of us eager. He groans against my lips and he lifts me effortlessly with one hand. He topples us onto the bed, our kiss unending, and his hands eagerly return to exploring my face.

I smile against his lips, and touch his face too, deepening the kiss. When I feel his hands moving to my shirt I don't stop him.

He gets through the buttons much faster than I did, and I barely notice as he flings it in the corner.

I scoot back on the bed, laying back on the pillows, and he settles over me, his chest touching mine. It is now, as his hands move to my pants, that the pictures come.

Flashes of pictures; a blend of many scenes all playing back in my head in rapid succession. _Two bodies pressing against each other, lips crushing, hands exploring. Laying together in a field, a meadow, kissing, pressing, a ring. Caramel eyes, snow white skin, cold, cold, cold…_

"No!"

I'm suddenly standing, gasping, sobbing, the pictures replaying over and over in my head. _A motorcycle, Jacob, Paul, two throbbing bodies exploding into wolves, fighting, ripping, tearing. Two red eyes glistening with hatred, a hunter prowling, leg twisting, snapping, a fire spreading through my body. _

"Bella?!" Paul gasps, "Are you alright? Did I hurt you?" He leaps up beside me, but I flinch away from his welcoming arms, snatching my shirt off the floor, running away.

_Pleading, wagering, a conclusion. Bodies pressing, heaving, cold and warmth mingling, sweat, happiness. Dark voice whispering in my ear, stone arms pushing me, shoving me against a wall, pounding, thrashing, breaking me. Can't breathe. Can't move. Flying, hitting, smashing, shattering. Falling. _

"Bella, where are you going?" his voice is behind me as I race down the stairs, out the door, toward my car, away from him, away from the house, away from the pictures…

"Leave me alone, Paul!" I scream, "Please. I…I need space!" I throw myself into my truck, ignoring the rain splattering the windshield, the tears flooding down my cheeks, and gun the engine. The tires squeal as I race away from him, down the streets of La Push

I can't believe myself. All of this time, lying there in the hospital bed, at home, everywhere, feeling this pain and only wanting it to end, and having all these wonderful people help me along the way. And now I'm hurting them worse. First Charlie with my emotionless façade because I'm not the daughter he once had, then Jacob because I fell for Paul instead of him, and now Paul because I'm too fragile and stupid to go all the way.

Oh, god. What is wrong with me? Someone should find a vaccine that will cure all those whom I've infected with my pain. I hardly deserve to die. The motorcycle should have exploded; I should have died that night.

The rain picks up as I leave the reservation, and so do the tears. I know I should probably stop the car, and wait for the rain and tears to stop, but I can't. I can't let Paul find me; I can't face him now, after what I've done.

I'm a monster.

In some far off part of my mind, I hear gravel grind under my wheels; see the trees approaching and the road fading to my left, and feel the car lurch as it spirals across the shoulder of the road, twisting and turning as it nose-dives into the ditch.

I ignore it though, because I know I deserve it. I expect the collision; can almost feel the car hitting bottom, the sharp snap as my head swings forward, hear the metal crunching as the car folds in around me.

It doesn't come.

And then I'm suddenly being pulled from the car; strong icy arms sliding me from my seat, the seat belt laying slacked against the car side where I left it. Then I'm enveloped in those arms; a chill shooting through my exposed skin at the cold.

I catch a glimpse of caramel hair, pale face, pained eyes, blue shirt. My feet touch the ground at the same time I hear the car hit the ditch; metal crunching and crushing. But I hardly notice because I'm staring up at the man who saved me, the man who holds me so gently in his hands as if I'm extremely fragile. The man who isn't really a man. The man who I would know anywhere, because I now know everything.

He watches me with anxious eyes for a split second, his eyes those deep pits of gold that I know so well, and in that second I know for sure who this man is. This man who saved my life.

"Edward?" I whisper.


	17. Chapter 16: Sirens

hey guys. here's the next chapter. it didn't turn out exactly like i wanted it to, but it's the best i could do. it's kind short and to the point and that kinda of bugs me...but once again its the best i could come up with. only 2 chaps left!

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* * *

****Sirens**_

_**~Isabella Swan~**_

_I'm staring across a long room filled with students: a cafeteria, to one table in particular. Their's. Five students; identical and strangely different. A tall thin blonde girl: Rosalie. A bulky dark-haired boy: Emmett. Another blonde boy, tall and lean: Jasper. A short pixie-like girl: Alice. A lean bronze-haired boy: what was his name again?_

_I'm walking down an alley; fear is everywhere. Men behind me are following close. I am running. I turn the corner and there is nothing: no street, no help, just closed off apartment buildings and more of those men. Herded. I cannot escape. A silver car fishtails around the corner: a Volvo. "Get in," he tells me, and the fear fades away. "Thank you, ---" What's his name?_

_We lay in a meadow, holding hands, watching the sun rise above the treetops. His skin glimmers like a million diamonds; so beautiful, so perfect. He holds me, listens to my heart, kisses me. I trace his face with my fingers, run them through his bronze hair. Everything is perfect. If only I could remember his name._

_Fear spikes in me, but I am sleeping. Drowning. Floating through surreal dark water. I hear his voice and I can finally breathe. I feel his lips on my burning hand and everything else fades. I reach up through the haze: the water, and find him. "I love you," he whispers. "I love you, too." I tell him, tired now. I open my eyes._

He holds me gingerly in his hands like I might break at any moment, as the thoughts all come back. This is what I wanted, this truth, but it's terrifying now. I can't make sense of anything. The look in his eyes is slightly peaceful, happy, but also fearful.

"Edward?" I whisper.

"Bella," he reaches up to touch my face.

Suddenly I'm moving - flying - backwards; warm arms tight around me. Then I'm turning around, pinned against a warm back. I'm standing almost ten feet from where I once was, now held taught against Paul's back as he growls: "Stay away from her, leech!"

Fear grips me as a more growls continue to rip through his chest. "Paul?" I ask, but he silences me with a single glance.

Across the road Edward has dropped into a crouch too, his shirt sleeves rolled up to reveal curled, tenacious fingers. "It's not your place to say what I should do, dog." he growls back.

"Oh yeah," Paul taunts, "Then who's is it, bloodsucker? Your's? 'Cause last time that happened, you almost killed her."

It feels like someone slapped me in the face. I remember that; all the pain and fear and…emptiness.

Edward takes a step closer, his eyes never leaving Paul's. "It wasn't my fault."

"Really? Then who's was it? Her's?" Paul steps forward too, not missing anything.

A glare forms a mask over Edward's face. "You had no right to take her."

"You had no right to either, vampire. Or have you forgotten the treaty?"

At this he flinches: Edward, but only slightly. He's strong. "Your treaty has nothing to do with this. I'm not going to hurt her." He steps forward again with Paul in sync. "She's not yours to take," he says again.

Paul curls forward into a crouch, "Neither is she yours."

"She was mine first."

A low rumbling grows somewhere deep inside Paul, and his lips pull back from his teeth. "If you want her, you're gonna have to fight for her."

Excitement gleams in Edward's eyes and he steps forward too. "With pleasure."

Paul leaps forward a step, tremors ricocheting through him, and I cling to his arm. "No, Paul, don't!" He tries to shrug me off but I stagger in front of him. "Stop. Please."

He glares past me to where Edward now stands, mere feet away. "I'm no coward. I can take that old leech!" He shoves me aside, but I lunge between them again.

Suddenly I'm right between them; one hand pressed against each of their chests in a desperate attempt to keep order. Paul wraps one arm around my waist as if to pull me out of the way. "Stop it," I tell him. My gaze flickers to Edward's. "Please."

They continue to glare for a second, and then they both slowly ease up from their crouches. I breathe a sigh of relief.

"You're not worth it anyway," Edward mutters.

Paul says nothing, but leads me farther away from him, his hands shaking. "Never do that again," he tells me. "You could have gotten killed."

"Good," I say, " Then neither of you would have 'owned' me."

"We don't own you, Bella." he says, frowning.

"Then why were you about fight to the death for me?"

He continues to glare over my shoulder. "Because…I love you." His gaze flickers to mine, "And you fight for the things you love."

"That's just great," Edward says, suddenly extremely close to me, "Because I love her too fleabag, so which of us deserves her?"

Paul smiles, "Why don't we let her decide? That's fair."

My stomach pitches. _What?!_ They both turn their expectant gazes on me. I feel suddenly small; like a bug under a microscope again. I look from one to the other; both people I love.

"Well, Bella?" Paul asks.

I shake my head, glancing between them. "You can't ask me to do this."

Edward steps forward, "You have to, Bella."

"It's the only way," Paul pipes in.

I back up a step, hands trembling. How can they ask me to do this? I can't choose between them! Sure, Edward tried to kill me, but Paul used to hate my guts and _wanted_ to kill me. And then I love them both equally. I can't do this. "No," I whisper.

They step forward after me at the same instant, as if showing me again how close they are; how impossible this task is. "You need to decide, Bella. Now."

My eyes bug out, butterflies building in my stomach and churning up my throat. "Can't I have some time?"

Paul steps forward, his arms out to me. "Right now. Just choose me."

"No, choose me," Edward says, reaching out to me too.

Something inside me explodes. Suddenly I can't take it; the flood of memories, the emotions, the stress, this decision. It's all too much. "I'm sorry!" And I flee. My car is smashed so I take off down the road on foot; I'm only a ways from the highway now visible through the trees.

I hear them chasing me. "Leave me alone!"

Their footsteps slow, but they follow. "Bella, wait!"

Twenty feet. Cars zoom past, buffeting my face. "Stay away from me!"

"Bella, please!"

Five feet. My foot hits the end of gravel road. I turn back to glance over my shoulder. "Leave me alone!" My head swings back around. Everything slows down.

Two bright lights shining; blinding me. A crash. Metal folding around me. Me, falling; hitting the ground. Screams. Voices.

The pain is all-consuming; unbearable. Shooting through my knee, up to my hip and stinging up my spine. Another scream rips through me as Paul and Edward bend over me; matching pale faces, worried eyes, trembling voices.

"Are you alright? Bella! Bella, can you hear me?" Paul's hand touches my cheek.

Ah…I think, so warm…

Edward grabs my hand.

…Cold…

"Who…" I try, my eyes flickering up. I see the car; white, black, blue, red. Lights. "Who…hit me…?"

Paul and Edward exchange a quick glance. "It's okay, Bella. Don't think about it. The ambulance will be here soon."

Something wet bubbles over my lips and Paul wipes it away with his sleeve. "Who…" I look up again and see the license plate; one I would know anywhere. "Charlie!" I gasp, "Where's Charlie?" I struggle to get up.

Paul pins me down. "Stay here, Bella. Everything's fine."

"No!" I scream, "Charlie! He's in the car! Somebody help him!"

Paul's eyes shoot to the car, and he curses under his breathe. "Alright, Bells. Hang on. I'll go get him, alright? He'll be fine."

He goes to let of my hand, though, and the pain floods back into me. I grab blindly for him. "No!"

Edward's gaze flickers once up at Paul, then to me, and he sighs. "I'll go." He stands and glances down at Paul. "She needs you."

Paul crouches beside me again and I grab fistfuls of his jacket in my fists. "Don't go," I whisper.

He smiles and brushes his hand across my face. "I'm not going anywhere."

I shiver and he lays his jacket over me. "There now. They'll be here very soon. Don't worry."

In the distance I can hear sirens. "I'm tired."

Worry floods his eyes. "Don't sleep, Bella. Don't go to sleep, okay? You hit your head pretty hard."

My eyelids droop. "But I'm so tired…" The cold is all around me, even though his jacket is warm. Why is it so cold? "I'm so tired…"

His warm hand cups my face, "Stay with me, Bells."

"I'm…sorry…" My eyes close. "Paul…"


	18. Chapter 17: Deja Vu

okay guys. here's my big explaination for not updating in months. ...first i had the chap all typed up on my laapie, and then BAM computer heartattack...he didn't get to the hospital in time. so, then i figured i'd figure out how to get it fixed, and that meant i wouldn't have to rewrite it all. i didn't get it fixed and i went to Canada for a month. yesterday when i got back, i decided that i would just rewrite it, even if it didn't turn out as good, and upload it today. i just finished it, and it's going up.

so i'm really sorry about the delay. i will have the last chap up in at most 2 days. thank you for being so patient and please review!

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**Deja Vu**

_Isabella Swan_

**Two bright lights shining; blinding me. A crash. Metal folding around me. Me, falling; hitting the ground. Screams. Voices.**

**The pain is all-consuming; unbearable. Shooting through my knee, up to my hip and stinging up my spine. Another scream rips through me as Paul and Edward bend over me; matching pale faces, worried eyes, trembling voices.**

"**Are you alright? Bella! Bella, can you hear me?" Paul's hand touches my cheek.**

**Ah…I think, so warm…**

**Edward grabs my hand.**

…**Cold**

**Edward's gaze flickers once up at Paul, then to me, and he sighs. "I'll go." He stands and glances down at Paul. "She needs you."**

**Paul crouches beside me again and I grab fistfuls of his jacket in my fists. "Don't go," I whisper.**

**He smiles and brushes his hand across my face. "I'm not going anywhere."**

**I shiver and he lays his jacket over me. "There now. They'll be here very soon. Don't worry."**

**In the distance I can hear sirens. "I'm tired."**

**Worry floods his eyes. "Don't sleep, Bella. Don't go to sleep, okay? You hit your head pretty hard."**

**My eyelids droop. "But I'm so tired…" The cold is all around me, even though his jacket is warm. Why is it so cold? "I'm so tired…"**

**His warm hand cups my face, "Stay with me, Bells."**

"**I'm…sorry…" My eyes close. "Paul…"**

I'm flying. Soaring. Speeding over a vast ocean, the waves crashing softly beneath me, the air calm; sweet. My arms spread wide, I lift my face to the sky and let the wind blow my hair behind me. Gulls cry in the background; a soft melody.

"Do you think she's really okay?" a voice whispers, worried; a warm voice.

"I assure you Carlisle did everything medically possible," another voice, colder, answers smoothly. "She's completely alright. Just sleeping."

I twist my head, glancing behind me to the vast expanse of ocean beyond. Where are the voices coming from? There is nothing there, only gulls and crashing waves; an endless blue. I look back to where I am flying.

I'm running. Sprinting. Leaping over fallen trees and brambles. Thorns scratch my bare arms and cheeks, but the real danger is behind. A pair of glinting red eyes, hungry; the hunter. Two growls sound in the forest around me; a strange duet.

"I still can't believe I let that happen," sighs the first. "There must have been something I could have done…"

"What happened happened…as I should know, there is no way to go back in the past and change what happened. We have to try to make the future better for her," said the cold voice.

I spin, staring behind me into the pensive gloom. I'm not sure what I'm looking for; the hunter or the people who's voices I hear. Nothing. I turn back around just in time to see the fallen tree blocking my way. I trip and fall.

I'm sitting. Cuddling. Rocking slowly back and forth in the arms of my mother. She holds me close to her, shifting us back and forth in the old rocking chair in my room. Charlie stands a little to the side, his face young and scrunched up with a big smile. Across the room, a music box plays 'Over the Rainbow'; a soothing lullaby.

"I feel completely at fault here," says the warm voice softly, almost painfully. "If I hadn't pushed her to choose, this never would have happened…I should never have gotten involved…"

"I'm as much to blame as you," soothes the cold one sadly, "We both tried to force a decision out of her, which wasn't at all fair to her." A sigh. "If I'd just let it go…this never would have happened."

I fight to move my little head, and it flops sideward to face the door. Even as a child I feel I should know those voices, but I…can't… The door swings open, banging against the wall, and I flinch away.

I'm crying. Weeping. Sobbing silently in my car, lain across the seat. Inside me, my heart feels like it's breaking; breaking because it knows it shouldn't. My shoulders shake, wracking tears spilling down my cheeks. I hear myself, as if from faraway, sobbing: "Jacob. Jacob. Jacob."; a paradox lament.

"You couldn't have. You love her, as much as I wish it wasn't true, and you fight for those you love," whispers the warmer voice, soothing the other now. "Just like I wouldn't and won't give up until she chooses."

"Just like I will always be there, unless she says otherwise."

I wipe the tears from my eyes, fighting against the anguish inside and really listen to the voices. I know them…

My fingers twitch, held tightly by two separate people. I feel my eyelids flicker but can only take in the blinding light. "Paul…?" I sigh, try to open my eyes again. "Edward…?"

The cold voice: "She's awake."

A warm hand touches my face, a finger stroking my cheek. "Bella?"

I force my eyes open again, and the light is dimmer, though everything seems fuzzy. Paul leans over my, his brown eyes worried. "Hmm…"

"Bella, can you hear me? Are you alright?"

I struggle to speak, to force the words over the lump in the back of my throat. "Yes…yes…I…can hear you…" I glance around the room again, confused. "Where am I? Where's Charlie?"

Edward leans forward, his eyes soft. "Your dad's fine, he checked out this morning. He wanted to see you, but Carlisle convinced him to get some rest."

"You're in the hospital, Bells," continues Paul. "You got hit by the car…do you remember?" He bites his lip.

I think back, to the blinding headlights and the pain, and shiver. "What happened?" I struggle to see past their faces. "How bad am I this time?"

They exchange a glance, and then there's silence. I struggle to sit up.

"How bad am I? I think I deserve to know."

Paul clears his throat, his eyes appologetic. "You hurt your leg again, Bella." I follow his gaze and notice the bulk under the flannel sheets. Great. "It's not broken…just…damaged a bit. And you're a little cut up from the glass."

I sigh and flop back onto the pillows, staring at the fluorescent lights. "So not so bad, then. I mean, considering the last two times I've been in the hospital."

Both Edward and Paul wince.

"So," I continue, "Do I get a little time now, or do I have to go throw myself in front of a bus this time?"

Paul flinches, but Edward meets my gaze steadily when I look at him. "No ones timing you, Bella. Me and Paul have…discussed it, and we've decided that you can have all the time you need."

Paul squeezes my hand. "You can have either of us, whichever. And you can take as long as you like to decide; we won't push you. Whichever of us you want, you can have."

"And until I make my choice?" I asked.

"I'll always be here for you," Paul whispered, touching my face again.

I glanced up at Edward, who was watching Paul and I. There was some emotion burning deep inside his eyes that I couldn't read. Guilt? Jealousy? Fear? "What about you?" I asked him.

His golden eyes turned on me, and I felt the old feeling of weightlessness surge through me. "I'll be around," he said softly. "When you make your decision."

He took a step towards me, from his chair at my feet. Again that emotion flickered across his face. Was it pain? "I'll be here if you need me, but for now I'm leaving." His gaze flickered across my face, perhaps trying to read my expression. "I'm going away for a while…until it's time."

My heart stuttered. "You're leaving?!" Could they hear the pain in my voice.

"Yes," he replied smoothly, "For a while."

"How long?" was that desperation in my voice?

He shrugged, "A month…two months." He smiled sadly, "But I'll be here when the time comes."

My heart sputtered and stopped, "If I call you, will you come back?"

Edward's eyes burned into mine, "Only if you've decided. I'm staying away from you, Bella. You need space." His gaze flickered past me. "Paul will take care of you."

"But…" I swallowed. _But what?_ "I…I…no…you…you can't!"

The eyes filled with warmth and he leaned down over me, his hands on the bed on either side of my waist. I stared into his golden eyes, willing him to change his mind.

"I have to go, Bella. You have to understand that." He gazed up at me through his eyelashes. "You don't need me right now."

Anger flashed through me, fear welling up in my stomach. "No! I do need you! I need you here, right now." My eyes stung, but I forced the tears back.

His calm, topaz gaze met mine, and I couldn't look away. "No, Bella, you don't. Not like you used to. What I did…" Pain flashed over his eyes for a second and then vanished, he shook his head. "It changed you…and me. We're not the same people anymore, Bella."

"Don't…" I whispered, but he continued.

"I'll always love you. And I'll always be right here when you need me." The golden cores of his eyes burned. "But right now you don't need me; you have Paul."

My body felt numb; I couldn't feel anything but where Paul's hand burned mine. My head spun. "So this is good-bye." It sounded like something was stuck in my throat.

"For now," he whispered.

I stared into his eyes again, my heart threatening to break, and then, suddenly, Edward's eyes tightened against some emotion, and he leaned toward me. Paul's hold on my hand tightened, but he said nothing.

Edward leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for a brief instant. I closed my eyes.

"Take care of yourself," he breathed, cool against my skin.

I heard the door of my room click shut. My eyes flashed open.

He was gone.

I stared at the vacant space he had once occupied; a space that now seemed even more empty than before. Somewhere in the back of my mind, this reminded me of something, and when I thought about it, I remember the way he'd left last September.

Somehow, this was more painful to think about than his actual leaving. And against all reason, my body began to shake. No tears came, and that made it all the worse.

Sobs wracked through my body, but I could not stop, even when pain shot through my knee. What did it matter? When everything else was falling apart? Somewhere in the background I could hear Paul's anxious voice calling to me, but I couldn't comprehend it. Could only lay there, and try not to fall apart.

"Bella?"

Paul's hand touched my face, the warmth suddenly unwelcome despite the chill spreading through me. "Bella, say something."

I opened my mouth to speak, but all that I could get out was: "Paul…" and then I was shaking again.

I felt Paul move me over, and lay beside me on the bed. I felt his hands on my face, his fingers stroking my cheeks, and his lips touching my hair. I heard his soft cooing words as he tried to calm me. I felt myself draw close to him as his warmth spread through me. But all I could see was Edward's eyes boring into mine, sadness and love melting together in their depths.

"Oh, Paul," I cried again.

I turned my face into his shirt, and his arms encircled me, holding me tightly to him. Somewhere in the back of my mind I longed for another pair of arms, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

"I love you," I whispered.

And there, against his shirt where he couldn't see, I let the tears flow.

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so, i copied a little part out of New Moon and some ideas for wording for the last part when Edward is leaving. so that's all S.M.'s and about the dreams/hallucinations. i orrinally (that's wrong, but who cares?) had the flying part for about a page and she saw this allconsuming cloud coming toward her, and Paul's voice crying out to her to come. and she sticks her hand in, it hurts, she pulls back a few times, and then goes all the way in because she loves him, and then she wakes up. but i did it differently because... i don't know...but i decided to have four dreams and each would symbolize something... at first i had them symbolzing experiences she had...like being with Edward made her feel weightless (hense the flying) and the encounter with james (being chased through the forest), but i got writer's block on what to do for the last two. so i decided that they would symbolize a feeling. Flying is happiness; she's free. Running is fear; being chased. her parents is love; being cuddled. And crying was pain; having to let Jacob go.

so, hope you enjoyed it. Quartet is almost finished, oh boy! there's only the epilogue to finished, so please review, review, review!

thanks, as always,

Isabellthelooser :)


	19. Epilogue: Switzerland

at long last, the final chapter... T__T you don't know how hard it was for me, trying to bring all the ends together and right it all into a final chapter...not to mention making a decision on who Bella would pick...i don't plan ahead i just make it up as i go along, and somehow it seems to work out! anyway, i hope you all appreciate how hard i worked yesterday trying to finish it (midnight....) and review one last time for me!

so, i hope you enjoy it, and see you on the other side...

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**Switzerland**

_Isabella Swan_

I stared into the mirror, surprised at how much my face had changed since the car accident a month ago. My eyes no longer looked haunted, the bags beneath them lighter and less noticeable, hidden under a layer of makeup. My skin was still pale, as it probably always would, but somehow healthier looking; less sallow. The cuts on my cheeks were finally almost healed, the bruise above my left eye a faint green, faded. My hair had grown out again, returned to it's curly brown state, and now sat atop my head in a bundle of curls; Alice's doing.

I fidgeted with the top of my dress one last time, making sure it fell right, and once again I remembered the reason why I had insisted on a brilliant blue dress. The straps were thick, and got slimmer where they met the top of the dress, and the soft fabric gathered just above my waist, and then floated down past my knees.

A floor beneath me, I could hear Charlie's labored breathing as he stumbled around the kitchen, and I sighed. Charlie had been hurt in the accident, too; slamming on his brakes hard enough to jerk his head forward into the steering wheel, the bruise on his forehead was just now starting to fade. He wasn't allowed to work for a while, and he often got bored and tried to do crazy things like mixing macaroni and tomato soup together and cooking it in the oven. It didn't always work. He was constantly fretting that I was in pain, but he was the one that truly needed the aspirin.

I shot one more glance in the mirror, and hobbled out into the hallway, trying not to trip going down the stairs. The smell of burning meat nearly made me wretch as I hurried into the kitchen to find Charlie standing, staring blankly out the window at the street, smoke rising from the oven.

"Dad!" I exclaimed, rushing forward and yanking open the oven door. An innocent hunk of beef sat right on the topmost wrack, charbroiling. I grabbed a dishtowel and peeled the meat off the metal, dumping it and the cloth into the trash.

I turned to see Charlie staring dumbfounded at me, his eyes confused. "Did I do it again?"

The pitiful look on his face made my heart ache for him. "No, Dad. Just remember next time that the meat has to go on a tray first, okay? Here, I'll show you." I opened the freezer, took another lump of meat and put it on a metal tray, then I set the tray in the oven, closed the door and set the time for 30 minutes.

His face lit-up. "Got it."

I hugged him tightly, "You'll get it. Soon, I promise. I should know." I leaned back and he held my shoulders at arms length.

"You look really pretty, Bells. Really pretty."

I glanced down at myself, and smiled softly. I'd almost forgotten in the heat of the moment - no pun intended - that I was dressed up. A feat that I'd thought was impossible before now.

"Thanks, you do too. Handsome, I mean."

Charlie glanced down at his black suit and sighed, "I remember the last time I wore this…" His eyes grew sad. "Harry was a good man."

I put my arms around his waist, "Yes, he was. And he had a good friend." I stepped back again, "Okay," I checked, "Shirt, tie, jacket, pants, shoes…I think you're ready."

The doorbell rang almost on cue. Charlie suddenly looked very flustered.

"Are you sure I don't look stupid?" he asked, fiddling with his tie.

"No," I smiled at him, "You look great."

"Are the flowers too much?" He held up a handful of red roses.

"If I were Sue, I would be overjoyed." I nudged him toward the door as the bell rang again. "Now, go get her."

I waited in the kitchen as I heard Charlie open the door, and a squeal came from Sue Clearwater. I smiled to myself, imagining her face as he offered her the flowers. Charlie yelled a quick, "See you later." and then the door closed behind him.

I stared at the tiles in the floor, gazing off into space. I shifted my feet uncomfortably in the blue flats I wore, remembering Alice's face as I explained to her why I couldn't and wouldn't wear high heels. I sighed, at least the dress was long enough to cover my knee brace; now that would be attractive.

I only realized that I'd stood there way too long when a knock came at the door. It brought me out of my stupor, and sent my heart racing. I was really going to have to do this. I shivered at the thought of what I had to do tonight, and the palms of my hands began to sweat.

_Breathe, _I told myself, _Save the pain and regret for later. _

Another knock on the door, harder.

Alright. I turned and hobbled out into the hallway to face my fate.

Paul's face lit up when I opened the door, his eyes appraising me. I blushed under his gaze, and shifted uncomfortably again. His eyes rested for a moment on my right foot that I was holding partially off the ground, and then he met my gaze.

I remember a time when looking into his eyes scared me; to look into their hate filled depths. Nothing could make me happier now.

I held his gaze, and as he appraised my face, the pits of his hazel eyes softening as he stepped forward and took my hand. I was about to say something, when he suddenly bent forward and kissed the back of my hand, gazing up at me through his eyelashes.

I blushed deeper, and my heart picked up tempo.

He smiled up at me, the corners of his eyes crinkling up, and he chuckled softly before standing and wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "You are so beautiful," he whispered in my ear.

"Aren't I always?" I said sarcastically, as he led me down the front steps.

His lips touched my ear, "Always, but the dress gives me all the more reason to look and tell you."

I smiled, "And it doesn't bother you that this dress once belonged to a vampire?" I glanced down at the floating chiffon, and wondered what had possessed me to agree to doing this in public and in a dress.

Paul wrapped his arm around my waist. "Not in the least."

The entire block was fenced off; rows of cars parked in completely illegal spaces, but no one cared; the police were parked there too. It wasn't hard to find the park; it was lit with so many lights and lanterns that you probably could have seen it from space.

As Paul parked, I fretted over whether I should just have him turn the car around and go back home. We sat in the car in silence for a minute, both of us staring out the front windshield at the brightly lit park.

"Are you ready to do this?" Paul asked, not looking at me.

I dropped my eyes to my lap, squeezing my eyes shut against the tears that threatened to break through. I took a deep breathe. "Yes." My voice quavered. I felt Paul's eyes on me.

He took my hand, "You don't have to do this now, Bella. We can wait another month or so until you decide."

I looked up into his warm eyes and saw the fear and pain there. I couldn't put it off any longer; I was hurting him. "I've already decided," I whispered, and turned to get out of the car.

Together, we walked toward the party amid a crowd of excited people. Men and woman, young and old had come; even little children ran, laughing, amongst the adults, dressed in formal wear. There were even other Quileute people there; I spotted Embry and Jared laughing from the sidelines of the dance floor, pointing at Quil who was dancing with little Claire.

I saw Billy Black and Old Quil sitting together laughing; Mike and Jessica, even Angela and Ben. Everyone from town was there, having fun and dancing. I even caught sight of Charlie and Sue twirling awkwardly, which I had to laugh at.

And then I saw them. All six of them, dancing in a small group off to the side; twirling to a beat that was entirely different from the other happy couples. I watched, awestruck, as Rosalie - dressed in an elegant red gown - kicked up her foot and threw her head back in an impossible dance move. Jasper was twirling Alice, smiling as she spun under his arm unbelievably fast, dressed in a black tux, his blonde hair slicked back. I even saw Esme and Carlisle, both dressed elegantly - Esme in a white evening gown - waltzing. But someone was missing.

Paul broke through my reverie, his arm tight around my waist.

"Would you like to dance?" he destured to an empty spot by the Cullens. My throat choked up. I managed to nod my consent, and he led me onto the dance floor.

He ignored the vampires, turning only to me and smiling. "Can you dance alright? Or should I help you?"

I contemplated by sprained knee. "I think I can manage."

He grinned at me and pulled me closer, putting his hand on my waist. The warmth there sent a surge through me, and left my fingers tingling as I took his other hand.

It wasn't an elaborate dance, nothing fancy like the Cullens, but it was enough that I had to keep focused on my feet so I didn't step on his foot. After a minute the music changed, and Paul suddenly threw up our hands and twirled me around, catching me again.

My head spun for a moment, and then I smiled. "Wow."

Paul smiled too, twirling me again, and then sidestepping so that I spun into his arm. "I took lessons as a kid. I guess it stuck with me." He spun me again and this time I kept going under his arm, almost like Alice had.

I let out a laugh. "I never thought dancing could be this fun!" I exclaimed after a moment.

Paul caught me, and then we were slow dancing again. I laid my head on his chest, and he rested his cheek on my head. I listened to his heart beating evenly, and closed my eyes, listening to the similarities between mine and his.

Was I willing to give this up? Such an innocent sound…could I live without it?

"What are you thinking?" Paul asked suddenly.

I raised my head to look at him, he glanced away. I tried to catch his gaze, to see his expression, but he wouldn't look at me. I frowned and shrugged. "I don't know…stuff…"

His voice sounded pained, he still wouldn't look at me. "What kind of stuff?"

"About dancing, and how much I like it. And…" I shifted my foot, "How much I hate these shoes."

He glanced down, too, staring at our feet moving together. "Would you still like to dance if I wasn't here?" He pulled me tighter to him, then suddenly let go.

"Wait, Paul--!"

He strode away from me, into the crowd. Not looking back, he said. "I'm gonna get a drink."

I stared after him for a moment, my heart aching, and then I turned and watched the Cullen's dancing again. I watched Jasper slow dancing with Alice; how happy they looked. Could I ever be that happy, dancing with them?

A shock ran through my heart, and I had to turn away. At first I wandered around the crowd of dancers, smiling at the people I knew. Finally, though, I had nowhere else to go, so I wandered to a deserted part of the park and stared back at the bouncy crowd. I sat down on an ornate white marble looking bench, and looked out over the park. A lit fountain trickled nearby, and the narrow paved path I'd followed was lined with trees and bushes all draped with white lights. It was beautiful.

I stared up at the sky, a perfect cloudless blue for once, now darkening and glistening with stars, and wondered if I could fly away and never look back. As I was contemplating this, I suddenly realized I was not alone, and turned to look behind me.

There, almost a part of the darkness, stood Edward, his eyes full of an emotion I couldn't identify. Fear?

"Edward?"

He stepped forward, his eyes still wary, and he smiled softly at me. "Sorry I'm late," he said, "It was a long drive." He smiled wider, "But here I am." He gestured down at his tux.

I stared back into his eyes, trying to keep my face clear of any emotion. "You weren't with your family. I thought you weren't going to come."

Warmth flooded his eyes, "Of course I came. I told you I would." He glanced over to where his family was twirling, and leaned in closer to me to whisper. "Besides, I don't have a dance partner." He appraised me slightly, "Would _you_ like to dance?" His gaze fell on the brace now visible on my knee.

I tugged my dress over it, and nodded. "Sure."

He helped me up, and put his arm around me just in time for a slow song to start. I noticed how his touch made a surge go through me, too. This was going to be difficult. We started dancing; our feet moving in a slow circle. I glanced down at my foot; shoving my heel back into the shoe.

"So where were you?" I asked him, wanting to prolong the inevitable. "You said it was a long drive."

Edward smiled slightly and sighed, "I'm not even sure anymore…I've been to so many places."

"Where have you been? What places have you visited?" I was suddenly very curious to hear what he'd been doing.

"Well, I went to Denali for a while; about a week, and then I moved on to Mexico, and L.A., and then I think New York, and…" he inclined his head, "Maybe Oregon…" He smiled again, "What have you been doing?"

I grimaced, "I've haven't done much, actually. Charlie's been kind of…unpredictable since the accident, and I've been having to help him with things a lot more lately. I haven't got out much, anyway." I shot my knee a meaningful glare.

Edward chuckled softly, and it made my heart pound. Would I ever get used to that sound? I hoped not. He must have heard my heart accelerate, because the expression in his eyes changed. I felt his grip on my waist loosen.

"Is this too close for you?"

I suddenly realized how close we really _were_; our faces were almost touching, his words making my hair blow. His breathe smelled so sweet… I stared into his eyes for a moment, deciphering the fear and unease in them. I wanted so badly to get lost in their depths…

I shook my head, "No." I leaned my cheek against his chest, pulling myself against him, and I felt him stiffen. He stopped breathing for a minute, and then, slowly, he began to move again, moving us both now. I closed my eyes, completely content. Or was I?

"I'm sorry," he suddenly said.

I drew back, frowning at the look on his face. "Sorry for what?"

Pain flashed over his face, and his hand shook against my waist. He looked at the ground as he spoke. "For doing what I did to you…before…" he glanced up at me. "For hurting you like that…I lost control…completely…I'm so sorry…"

The pain in his voice stabbed at my heart, and I felt myself flinch. The memory of that night flashed over me and I cringed, flinching again. Edward said nothing while I tried to get control of myself again. "So much pain…" I finally whispered.

It was his turn to flinch. "I never should have agreed to that…then none of this ever would have happened…" his painstaken eyes met mine. "I never would have hurt you."

I held his gaze. "I'm glad you did." Edward's eyes filled with confusion. "You're right, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have met Paul, and he wouldn't have imprinted on me."

Edward glanced away, the pain back on his face. "So you've made your decision."

I tilted my head, trying to see his face. I continued, ignoring what he'd said. "I never would have realized how much I truly love you."

His head turned slowly, his brow furrowed. There was hope in his gaze though…and it made my stomach seize. I felt my heart beginning to tear.

"I love you so much," I whispered.

We weren't dancing anymore, neither of us bothering to shuffle our feet.

The tears finally broke through my carefully constructed emotional wall, and I was suddenly spinning away from him, turning to run away from this place, this decision.

Edward's hand caught and held my elbow, he spun me around to face him. I couldn't look at him. "Bella, what's wrong?"

I sagged against him, and he caught me before I hit the ground. He led me over to the bench, his strong arms holding me up, and sat beside me. I wiped uselessly at the tears, still not able to look him in the eye.

"I love you so much," I whispered again.

I felt his finger wipe away a tear on my cheek. "I know," he whispered back.

Another sob wracked through me. "I love you so much…it's all so confusing…I can't…I won't…I…I love Paul, too…but…I…" I curled in on myself, and I felt Edward's arms around me, holding me against him.

"Bella, love," he whispered, removing a stray strand of hair that was glued to my wet face. "Bella, shh…it's alright." He pulled me against his chest, his face buried in my hair. He rocked us back and forth for a moment, humming softly to me.

After a few minutes my eyes dried, and I sat up slowly, turning to face him. His face held every emotion I had prayed it wouldn't; pain, longing, worry, guilt, fear. It would make what I had to say that much harder.

For a moment as I stared into his worried eyes I considered breaking the whole thing off and simply telling them both I loved them evenly and leave it at that. But I also knew I couldn't do that. I couldn't leave one hanging, wondering if I did truly still love him…it wouldn't be fair.

I glanced down at my wrist, twisting it so that I could see both sides of the charm bracelet I wore. "You know I never took this off," I whispered, watching the carved wolf move back and forth against my wrist. "Even when I couldn't remember _why_ I wore it, I still kept it on, sure that somehow it meant _something_." The crystal facetted heart swung around, bouncing against my skin. "And it does…it shows how half of me loves the wolf, and the other loves the vampire." I twisted my wrist suddenly, so that both charms spun fast, almost blending into one shape. "Two separate Bellas…stuck on opposite sides…never fusing together."

I glanced up at Edward, and his face was calm and smooth. "Paul's Bella, and your Bella." I felt the tears building up again, but I forced them back. There would be time for that later. "I figure it's time to fuse them together…"

Edward's eyes tightened at the pain that he probably saw in mine, and he lifted my chin when I tried to look away.

"You know I love you," I whispered, my voice cracking. "I'll always love you, no matter what. I'll love you until the day my heart stops beating." A single tear escaped, "But it's…it's too much…I just…I can't keep pretending that everything's going to be okay…because it's not."

Edward caught the tear with his thumb, his eyes calm, though I sensed his unease. I didn't look away from his eyes, terrified that if I did I wouldn't get it out.

"I can't keep…feeling this way…" another tear slid down my nose, "like my heart's broken in half…it's killing me…" I bowed my head, unable to hold his gaze, afraid… "I can't keep tearing myself in two…thinking that it's alright…but it's not…it's not fair to you or Paul…" I glared at my feet, "I'm a monster because I love you both…so much that I won't let you go…I'm so selfish…"

"Bella…" It sent a jolt of pain through me when his voice cracked…I was causing him pain now… His hand gripped my chin, forcing me to look at him. His eyes were pained, anguished. "Bella, just tell me…tell me what you came here to say and I'll go…I'll never cause you pain again. You'll never hear from me again."

I stared into his gold eyes then, terrified at the promise behind his eyes. I would never see him again… I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down before I said the words. _A clean break…_

My heart seized at the memory of last September…those words he spoke once more. A tear slid down my cheek, and I leaned my head into his chest. It hurt even more when I noticed how _good_ it felt…so right…how I fit there…how his arms wrapped around me and I felt safe.

I buried my face in his shirt, gripping it tightly with my fingers, not wanting to let go. "I love you," I whispered, letting my tears soak into his shirt. He stayed silent, holding me closer. I took a deep breathe, and forced the words over the lump in the back of my throat. It came out as a whisper, but I knew he could hear me. "I have to let you go." My voice broke on the last word.

I don't know what I expected. Maybe some anger, or hatred. A tightening of his body, an act of pain… Nothing. He stayed silent, holding me against his chest, stroking my hair.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

Again, no response.

Finally, I had to look, had to see if he was simply hiding the pain in his eyes. They were calm though, collected, wide and shimmering. Not even a flicker of resentment.

"Why aren't you mad at me?" I finally asked. "Why don't you hate me? Why aren't you yelling…screaming at me…?"

He raised his hand suddenly, and I jumped, thinking he meant to hit me. He moved it slowly, placing it against my cheek. His eyes were soft. "I'm not mad, Bella. Sure, it hurts…sure I wish you'd chosen me…" he smoothed my hair back from my face. "But if you're happy, then I'm happy. I could never live with myself if I forced you into choosing me, and then had to watch every day as you tried to love me." He shook his head. "Who am I to choose for you…" his voice trailed off.

I wiped uselessly at the tears on my cheeks. "I'm so sorry," I said again. "It was hard…to decide…"

I felt his hand on my collarbone, wiping at the moisture that had escaped there. "Can I ask just one thing?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice.

He bent his head closer to me, his eyes fighting against some hidden emotion. "Would it be horribly anticlimactic if I kissed you?" He smiled my favorite crooked smile.

My voice trembled, I wanted it badly now…to feel his lips on mine just one last time… "Please."

Still smiling, Edward took my face in his hands and pressed his icy lips to mine.

It started out much like the other kisses we'd had; he was as careful as ever, and my heart began to beat erratically, like usual. And then something changed…His lips moved more urgently against mine, and his hands moved to my neck, pulling me closer to him. My hands, too, flew to his face, memorizing every detail of it, and then finally twisted into his hair, not wanting to let go.

His mouth moved to the corner of my mouth, letting me catch my breathe, but even then he was kissing me, pulling me tight against him. I'd only just caught my breath when his lips moved back to mine. I gasped, and nearly toppled backward, but his hands held me up, his lips moving slower now.

I knew I was almost over the line…that I should stop right there. But it was my last time… My mouth forced his open, and his sweet breath entered my mouth. I waited, perplexed when he didn't push me away. Instead he seemed eager.

His hands moved to constrict around my waist, and I stopped breathing. He never went this far…never. He seemed to sense my unease, though, and pulled away, pressing his lips once, twice, three times against mine, and then sat back.

We were both breathless, and it was a minute before my head stopped spinning. I glanced up at him, and he was looking at me, too.

"I want you to have something," he whispered, and reached into his pocket. He took my hand, set the object on my palm, and then closed it, his fingers pressing mine firmly closed around it. "Don't look," he told me, "until I'm gone. Promise me that."

I squeezed my eyes closed against another tear. "I promise."

"Remember that I'll always love you."

The fissure in my heart threatened to open up and engulf me. I closed my eyes, tears beginning to spill again, and put my hand over his, holding it to my face. I wanted so badly to hold it there, and never let him leave. I turned my head, pressing my nose into his wrist, breathing in his scent. I would never forget it.

I felt him lean forward, and then his lips touch my hair, and I knew he was doing the same. Too soon, he pulled away.

His eyes were pained, though he tried to hide it. "Goodbye, Bella," he whispered. He smiled my crooked smile and then he turned and walked away.

My heart ripped open.

I didn't realized I was crying until Paul's warm fingers brushed at the tears on my cheeks. I opened my eyes to see him crouching beside the bench, his face close to mine. His eyes were worried.

"Are you alright?" he whispered, his voice trembling, "I couldn't find you anywhere."

I sat up - when had I laid down? - and threw my arms around his neck, pulling him to me. "Never leave me," I gasped, more tears erupting from my eyes. The pain inside me was almost too much to handle, I felt like I would explode. "Please…please…never let go…"

His warm arms wrapped around my waist, and he lifted me onto his lap as he sat on the bench. He hugged me tightly to him. "So you've made your decision," he whispered.

I think I nodded.

"You don't have to choose me," he mumbled, "Just because I'm human doesn't mean you have to choose me over him." He turned his head to look at me. "I know how much you love him."

I buried my face in his neck, curling up in a ball, trying not to fall apart. I didn't care that I was wearing a dress anymore. "I made my choice," I whispered, "I love you…so much that I can't be away from you…please…just…" my voice faded.

"I can't stand to see you in pain," he finally whispered. "Please, tell me what I can do. I'll do anything…"

My voice broke, "Love me."

Paul's arms tightened around me, cuddling me to his chest. "I already do…so much." He pressed his lips to my forehead, "And I always will."

I leaned my face against his chest, sighing as the pain lessened in my heart ever so slightly. When I glanced up, Paul had his eyes closed, his cheek resting on the top of my head.

I looked once more up at the night sky as twilight passed into midnight, and opened my hand.

Elizabeth Mason's ring twinkled back at me.

* * *

right now i feel like crying. my baby's finished...even though they're not my characters i feel possessive of them, and i don't want the story to end. i'm thinking about a sequal...not sure though...give me your opinion on that one when you review please. and please no flames! i'm sorry if you thought that Bella should end up with Edward, but please don't yell at me...please? i hope you know i threw in that last kiss for you guys; the Edward fans...he gets his last lick of glory (no pun intended ^^)

i tried to drag it out some...to make it suspenseful and not pradictable until the very end...i don't know if it worked. i went back and rearranged some stuff today before uploading, to make it flow better...but there are still things that i'm sure i don't need, but i can't bear to cut anymore.

i hope i ended it okay for you guys...not too abruptly...i actually got done with it, and then went through it again to see the whole thing last night, and realized that i'd left out the whole ring giving thing which i really wanted in there once i decided on Paul being the one she picked, so i stuck it in there, and i hope it makes sense.

once again, please review...give me one last scrap of feedback, preferably something longer than Good or I liked it. anything helps though. if i have nothing else to do today (i probably won't) then i'm planning on reading through the whole thing and editing it one last time...i missed a lot of mistakes! so if you want the completely editted version, and want to read it again because it's SO good (*laughs*) then please wait maybe today and tomorrow...so thursday? then i'll be finished editing.

and so, for the last time, i say: thank you, please review, and goodbye.

-isabellthelooser


	20. Author Note: 1

Hey guys, sorry it's been so long and I know I promised to work on the sequel but, obviously, I haven't made much headway. I actually wrote the first chapter and prologue...and then my computer died and got its brain wiped, so they're both lost somewhere in cyber space where I cannot reach them to upload them.

So, I figure since it's now spring break and I have no life, I might as well make use of all this free time and write some. :D But, I also need some help with some decisions considering my epic sequel.

First, I'm having trouble thinking of a name for the story, which is really bugging me. I thought maybe Enough For Now, considering the road the story's hopefully going to follow (I change my mind a LOT), but I also know that series usually have sort of resembly names (Twilight,  
New Moon, Eclipse...etc.) so I don't know if you guys could give me some possible names that might work in with the whole Quartet thing (still have no idea what made me name it that, but whatever...). So, please leave some comments letting me know some things that you think might work.

Second, I'd like some input on any things you'd like to see happen in the sequel. I'm not going to promise any of them will make it into the final product, but any new ideas would be gladly accepted, and I promise to give them all a shot. I'm feeling my creative outlet sadly.  
dead. :P

Please leave me just a little comment on what you think, even if it's just "I like the name you picked." or "They should get married and have 20 children." anything helps.

Anyways, I just wanted to also put a thank you out to all those people who have commented, favorited, and alerted.  
It sure makes me want to keep writing when I get feedback (positive and negative alike) and it helps...it REALLY helps. So thank you to those who have taken the time to read and let me know that you liked it, even just by clicking the little "Favorite" button. :)

And lastly, I hope to have at least the prologue and first chapter up by at least Wednesday or Thursday, maybe even sooner. Please comment!!! please, please, please comment! I really love your guys' feedback, and I look forward to yet another story's worth of fun.

Yours Truly,  
-Isabellthelooser

P.S. If I do get the story started and uploaded, I'll leave another Author Note on this story so that all of you who alerted and favorited this story will get notified when the other one is up. Thank you again, until next time....


	21. Auther Note: 2

Hey guys, I just wanted to leave a quick author's note to tell you that the sequel is now officially up and started. I have the prologue up at the moment, and the first chapter will be up tomorrow. and the second hopefully the day after that. hope you guys enjoy, and please review.

here is the link for those who want it: .net/s/5837152/1/Enough_For_Now (for some reason it deleted the beginning, so the beginning of the link is just http://fanfiction )

It is called Enough For Now, and please enjoy!

thank you for everything you guys have done for me so far. i was rereading your reviews and such this morning and it really warmed my heart to know that my work is appreciated and that people enjoy it. :) let's have another story full of good reviews and fun!

-Isabellthelooser


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